Ahhh, Adam.

Adam wasn't a particularly attractive boy. He had kind of a pug nose and strange facial features, and he was growing his hair out so he could put it in a pony tail, and that just wasn't right, no it wasn't.

He was number 1 in my "boy from the RIGHT side of the tracks" arena. He was a nice christian boy. He promised his parents he wouldn't have sex until he got married. Once, he came to my house when my mom wasn't home to participate in a little somethin somethin and he had to go home early because he was so paranoid his dad would drive by and see his car there. Ohhh kay.

We were both 16 and in 10th grade. This is how we came to pass: Adam, like most of the male population, liked Ms. Kat before he had even heard of me. Ms. Kat did not like him, so she was kind enough to tell him that I liked him, which, in fact, I did not. But he asked me out one day and I had nothing better to do, so we went. And therefore had a fun filled and adventurous 3.5 month relationship.

We went to an Oasis concert together because our song was Wonderwall. Seriously, that is like the sweetest thing ever. He was driving me home one night (as he possessed a vehicle and I did not) and that song was on the radio, and he was all like, "Do you want that to be our song?" And I was like, "Sure!" I loved that song. In fact, the first time I heard it, I wished someone would dedicate it to me. So that was that.

We also explored the world of oral sex together, for the first time. I actually remember this - I gave him a record number of 8 blow jobs in 3 and a half months. He didn't really return the favor.. when he tried twice to go down on me, he stopped after like 3.2 seconds because he "couldn't breath." And it wasn't like I was smelling bad down there or what have you - he just couldn't breath. I feel bad for whatever lady got him after me. And he had a tendency to get what he wanted and then just not reciprocate at all. In fact, one of our biggest fights occured after I gave him a blow job, and then he literally was like, "Okay! Gotta go. Bye bye." And he jumped up and left. That PISSED ME OFF! I may have been 16, but damnit, I was just as horny as I am now.

What a little deviant I am.

Now, here comes the sex issue. I wanted to have it. He did not. He promised his parents, after all. But much like a certain gentlemen that I have come to know and love, he wanted some anal sex. Anal sex is something he apparently never promised his parents he wouldn't do. I think that was a big factor in our break-up - I think he wasn't really digging how I was pressuring him for the sex, and I wasn't digging how he wanted anal sex despite not wanting the real thing. Boys, they are confusing.

And there was the whole thing about swallowing. I never swallowed because like.. I didn't really know there was such a thing. But one night after we were finished, he actually asked me, "Why don't you ever swallow my cum?" And I'm like.. oh.. umm... I dunno? So after that, I became a swallower. If that doesn't win me the award for the way too much information category, then I don't know what will.

That was pretty much our whole relationship. Finding places to make out, really. He was a nice guy, polite, romantic, cuddly. We went to see some awful movie called Before and After, and we held hands the entire time without once unmerging ourselves. I wasn't really into that, but he apparently was.

Like some of my relationships tend to do, in the end, I started liking him way more than he liked me. In the beginning, I could hardly look at him without wondering, "Why the hell am I dating this guy?" But yeah, in the end, that was apparently what he was thinking. He dumped me over the phone, and it was really sad. He was the only boy I ever dated that I actually went to school with, and who actually graduated from that school. He dumped me during the summer, and that next school year was pretty tense there for a while.

The official word on why he dumped me, and these were his exact words, was that I "ask too many questions about love, and you aren't supposed to do that." Okkayy.

We had good times together. It was my first kind of adult relationship that involved not having to have my mom take us everywhere since he had a car. I was still young enough to get turned on by the simplest of touches, and he knew that. We would be watching a movie on Ali-Kat's sofa and he would just kinda stroke my arm, and it would drive me entirely too crazy. He wasn't the most attractive guy on the planet, but he still had some moves that would make me melt.

The last time I talked to him was the night of my high school graduation, 2 years after we broke up. I walked up to him and asked him if he had an email address or something so we could stay in contact, and he was like, "Uhh, no." So, goodbye Adam. It was lovely exploring the depths of oral sex with you. I hope you finally got you some anal sex with that lucky lady. Give my love to your parents.

Other quick notes that I remember about him: He drove this huge Lincoln Mark IV, his favorite movie was the Crow and he had a T-Shirt from the movie, he was really nervous the first time he touched my boob and had to take his hand away, like my boob was radioactive or something; Ms. Kat's mom once caught us making out and ordered us to leave the room immediately so we could be within her supervision; and yeah. That's about it.

Next up: The exciting adventures of the Chris I did like and the Chris I didn't like, all at the same time!

Ghosts of ex-boyfriends past: Eddie,Charles,Ryan,and Joseph.