So. The things I neglected to mention about this weekend.

I hung out with Natalie yesterday. She had just returned from a mission trip to Kansas for Spring Break. Natalie literally knows everyone in the entire world. When I hang out with her, there's a whole lot of "Hi, nice to meet you" going on. It's really quite spectacular that one human person knows so many friggin people.

We talked for a while, and she really encouraged me to start getting into God. I'm already thirsting to learn more and get into it, but she really drove the point home. She was telling me how when she first came to Denton, she couldn't find any good friends for the life of her, and it made her curse God, scream at him, get mad at him. For the first time in our 3 year friendship, she actually said the word "Fuck." I was so shocked I almost peed in my pants. It was scary!

But yeah. She didn't used to have friends. Now the whole town of Denton is her friend. That's rather inspirational, I happen to think. I dunno. She's a really good friend.

And today, when I was doing my part and cursing God, I came online and looked at my church's web page. I really feel like this is a blessing.. I found out about something called "First Steps," which is about learning the basics of christianity. And it started tonight. I was so glad to have found that.. and on its first night, too, out of 4 nights in a series. It was almost like I was kind of recieving an answer to my prayer of desperation or something.

I know I'm getting hardcore with the religion stuff and I'm sorry if that turns you off. But right now.. I need this. I have determined that this is what I need in my life right now. And when I went to the group tonight, it just made me feel so comfortable about really wanting to get into it, because there were a lot of other people there who were as clueless as I am. And that's a good feeling.

Bah. Anyway.

So the Oscars. My mom was all appalled over the whole Michael Moore thing.. she was all "Gosh! They should get him off the stage! What is he saying?!" And I'm all like, "Hello, get over it, he's allowed to say whatever the hell he wants to say!" Anyway. It was boring. I went to sleep even before they announced best picture, which is strange for me. But I knew it would be Chicago since they'd won so many already.

Last year I watched the Oscars at Matt's. But anyway.

Tomorrow I'm going to go hit the pavement looking for a job. I'm going to go into restaurants and ask the manager if they want someone with no experience cuz I'm a fast learner, or something like that. I don't know how I'm going to get a job this time around, but I know I have to suck it up and at least act like I'm a happy person. I think my depressionness kind of seeped into the last job, or maybe it was just because I really sucked at it. Whatever, same thing.

I'm hungry.

Tomorrow I'm going to attend a church meeting for people dealing with depression. I don't know if I'm depressed.. I don't want to be, but who knows. Crying in the middle of the day and cursing God for putting you on this earth kinda sounds a little like depression. I'm in depression denial.. I think I'm just sad, but I don't know.. I guess I'll find out.

I was so much happier when I was back in Denton with Natalie and my mom. Why did I think Austin was going to make everything better?

*sigh*

I'm going to shut up now.

*****

What was Liz doing a year ago?

"I had a fried egg sandwich that I made myself this morning. Sure, I'm going to die from all the cholesterol, but at least I would have had a fried egg sandwich in the process."