I ate like such a huge fat pig yesterday, but on purpose. Tuesday, my hardcore diet starts again. This will be the 4th summer in a row that I've gone on a diet, but this time I mean it! This time I've already been working out for close to 5 months, so I know for sure that I'm not going to lose weight unless I diet. But I'm ready. I need to do this. I have to do this!

I'm also ready to let go of Matt. I don't know how I really begin to do that, but I'm just going to pray about it and hope that I can do it, because I can't do this anymore. I'm tired of this bullshit. I'm tired of him having all the fun in life because he isn't tied down. When I really get to thinking about the circumstances, it's just way too depressing, so I won't. But yeah.. it's time to grow some balls and shit. I'm tired of it.

My job starts on Tuesday, and with this job starting, a whole new attitude will start. I will not go about this job like I have with everything else.. I will not half-ass everything that comes my way. I will work my ass off and be the best customer service beyotch that I can be, because if I don't, I'm pretty sure I'll be fired anyway. And I really don't want that. This is a big chance for me, and if I screw it up, I'll be letting down a lot of people.

But anyway. I saw Bruce Almighty last night, and it totally affected me. I know it was just a simple comedy meant to make people laugh, but I took it further than that. It affected me deep down and made me think. Whoever wrote this movie was hardcore, and I'm not sure if he's pro or anti God, but as a new Christian, it really made me think. Morgan Freeman was all like, "You can take my powers, but you can't effect free will, or tell anyone that you're God." And that's just what religion is, right? You pray to have things happen for you, but really, it's all in the hands of someone else, and you can never effect (affect? fuck if I know.) what they end up doing. And then there's the whole "Is there a God" thing that we all ask ourselves, because he can't tell us that he's there. Because that would just ruin everything.

I know that makes no sense, but I actually cried at this movie. When Jennifer Aniston is in her bedroom crying out to God to take her pain away, to help her let go.. I started sobbing because that's what I want too! I felt so much empathy for her, even though she's Jennifer Aniston and he's Jim Carrey, but that's why I love movies. Because I can get involved in them and cry like a baby. Movie magic, my friends!

Anyway. I know I should take something from that movie about God or Free Will or getting over stuff, but that would involve me sitting down and thinking about that, and my brain is not big enough. But I did go crazy at Half Price Books last night because they're having a 20% off sale, and I had to revisit my childhood. I bought 2 BabySitters Club Super Specials; Sixth Grade Can Really Kill You; Yours Till Niagra Falls, Abby; and other such things. I also bought Needful Things and 7 Habits of Effective People, and it was all $12.00! I'm going to read my back to childhood books on the way to the farm today.. it'll be fun.

Also, I had a dream about Axl last night, perhaps brough on by listening to the soothing sounds of Use Your Illusion 1 in my car last night. There's nothing like a little Bad Obsession or Back Off Bitch to assist in having a good night.

I need to get laid.