Anyway. I just woke up like.. 30 minutes ago. I feel like such a lazy beyotch, it's just not even funny. I am quite ashamed of myself. For the past 2 weeks, I have done barely anything to get myself a job. Total apathy has set in, and that's just not acceptable. I need a job. I can't just get by on my wits because I don't really have a lot of those.

I look back on some of my earlier entries, back in January and February, and it's astonishing how extremely depressed I was. Yet I still managed to find a job then! Back in the day, I had to deal with the fact that I had no friends, that I didn't know anything about Austin, that I just didn't know what to do. Not to mention the fact that Matt had a little girlfriend that he would do anything to make it work with. That was devastating to me. And now it's just not happening that way. I have friends. I "have" Matt. I have knowledge of how to find myself a job, yet I still sit around here all day like it was my job.

Starting on Monday, I'm going to start waking up at 8 AM, working out, getting dressed, going out and looking for a job. None of this waking up at 11 AM and not finding the will to even look for a job at all. I can't do that. Not anymore. It's destroying me, for fuck's sake!

In good news, I'm losing weight! I lost 2 pounds since Monday. And yesterday, I think I made a breakthrough.

A. I did not go to McDonalds for a breakfast bagle even though I had the money and I was up early enough;

B. I did not get popcorn at the movie theater and stuff myself until I felt sick. Instead, after the movie I went to the mall and got a sub at Quizno's. Good choices feel good, and such.

There's probably more to say here, but I'm just gonna go work out and try to get this bitterness out of me.

Woot.

Also, it's only 92 degrees right now! Yay.

*****

What was Liz doing a year ago?

"So yeah. I don't know if that really helps at all, but this is why I talk about Axl so much. I thought he had dissapeared! And right now I'm just so proud of him and everything he has left to accomplish. He could have seen the fall of his band and just said, "Screw this, I have more money than God, I'm just going to live like a hermit in Malibu for the rest of my life." But he didn't. He got a new band together, and now he's going to blow everyone's expectations out of the water.

I don't know why I like him, but you know that feeling you got when you went to the junior high dance and the one person you wanted to dance with wasn't there because he was too rebellious to show up? That's always the guy I was attracted to. Not one person I ever had a crush on ever came to a junior high or high school dance. And I'm still attracted to people like that. Axl is the king of the boys who never went to the dance, you know? "

What was Liz doing 2 years ago?

"In other news, why is it that i always seem to be caught with my pants down? Everytime someone knocks on the door or some such, there I am, with no pants on, then I have to yell "Hold on!" while I struggle to find my pants and put them on. This has happened many times lately. What must the other people be thinking? "What the hell is she doing in there?" But, come on. Why should I have to wear pants if I live by myself? What's the point? I like to have as little clothes on as possible. Damnit, people, can't you come by when I at least have my fucking pants on?"