baby maybe someday
February 17, 2004 Assorted things.

So, Dallas lived through its annual snowfall. It was actually quite beautiful, and there was no ice at all, which is a very good thing. We hardly ever just get pure snow without the fun of the icy streets, so that was fun. Snowmen were spotted all over the Dallas area. Yay!

I am currently at work. I technically have another 30 minutes, but there is nothing left for me to do. The chicks that work here haven't really given me much. I got to leave almost an hour and a half early yesterday, but I'm trying to stick around today and look at least somewhat busy. What I'm really doing is downloading songs to put on a CD for Matt for his road trip to Mardi Gras. Because I'm a dork.

I hope I get more stuff to do soon. Today I filed, copied, and other administrative bitch things that people do sometimes. I don't want to be the administrative bitch. I want to actually learn what goes on here so I can gain knowledge and be able to put something good on my resume. But that's okay. At least they're very patient. Well, it's not that they're patient.. they're just enthralled in their own lives and hardly ever pay attention to how long it takes me to do whatever I'm doing. The advantage of working in an office with just two other chicks - they are very gossipy people. I can tell you the story of their lives just from what I've heard the past 2 days.

And my boss.. she's a talker. I like her lots, but she tells a million stories and they aren't all that interesting and she expects me to giggle as much as she does, and I try, but yeah. I find that lately my small talk skills consists of saying things like "Oh, that's not good." "Oh, that sucks." "Oh, that's cool." I don't know what else to say! I suck.

And today we also drove to my dad's office to deliver stuff. He wasn't there, but it was still kinda cool. I like working for him. Except when I fuck up, which I haven't yet, but if I do.. it goes straight to him and I will never hear the end of it. I still hear about fucking up when I worked for him 7 years ago. So I'm trying to watch my ass, of course.

Yesterday I hauled ass to Matt's after I was granted an early dismissal here. For the past week or so, I was kinda freaking out about us. I didn't think there was anything left to freak out about, really. I mean.. nothing happened on Valentines Day. Nothing. I didn't even see him. I was dissapointed, of course, and that's when I really started freaking out. But I went there yesterday, we got it on twice in 3 hours, and didn't even do anything. We just lay in bed for hours and listened to the radio and had a nice evening.

I really want to go to Mardi Gras with him, but for us who live in the real world with actual jobs that we actually have to go to everyday, that is impossible. I admire how he gets around that and still has plenty of money. But I think he admires everyone else for doing what he doesn't have the courage to do. So, yeah.

He said I was being weird all week long, which just makes it harder to accomplish what I want with our relationship, which is ironic. I think that's a good point. I don't know why, but for some reason I seem to go out of my way to make sure I am never as happy as I could be. I don't know why I do this. But I always have. So I'm working on trying to fix this. I had a mini triumph during lunch.. instead of grabbing a burger or something else that wasn't good, I just stuck with Subway and even had a Diet Pepsi instead of Dr. Pepper. It's the small things.

And now I'm having my monthly visit from Aunt Flo, and boy is it good times. I feel so fat and nasty today. I should probably work out tonight. That would be a good thing to do.

I'm glad my monthly visit is here because that means I actually have a reason for breaking down and almost sobbing when I saw 50 First Dates. Also, I'm not pregnant. There is absolutely no reason why I would be, but I was paranoid about it anyway. I was already thinking of ways to tell Matt that I was pregnant. Heh! I'm sorry I have to miss that one.

Anyway, I'm out. Have good times.

*****

What was Liz doing (almost) a year ago?

"In other words, I fucking hate my life. I hate myself. I hate that I fuck the most simple things up. I hate that I have to settle for this fucking job because yesterday I said no to probably the perfect job for me. I just called and asked if it was still available, and they were like, "Unfortunately it's not.. we were hoping to get you for this one because your skills and your location are perfect for it." Way to go, Elizabeth. Way to fuck something else up beyond belief.

I mean, what's WRONG with me? Why do I have to screw everything up? Looking at the situation, maybe getting a job as a delivery driver might not be the best thing for someone who's always fucked up simple directions."

back & forth random
recently...

So be it! My last entry ever. - November 16, 2004
701 - October 17, 2004
Buh bye: An Austinliz thesis - October 03, 2004
war of the roses - October 01, 2004
fucking debate! - September 30, 2004