baby maybe someday
December 02, 2003 Austin - the soulmate I can never have.

I was thinking.

You know what Austin is? Austin is my soulmate that I can't be with because the relationship is just too powerful. Austin is the city I can't have because I'm just destined to not ever have it.

I can almost compare Austin to the relationship I had with Ryan. We had a flirtation for a while. We had staring contests, and Austin put its knee on my butt when we were sitting in History class together.

In the past 10 years, I've come to Austin many times and was captivated by its charms. I'd keep coming back for more, even though I knew it was wrong because we could never truly be together. Ryan and I tried, after a long flirtation, to put our love to the test, but it just never worked out. I truly felt like he was my soul mate for the longest time, but it was a love that would never be. Much like Austin.

Dallas is almost like Matt, if we're comparing things here. Dallas is waiting for me in the shadows and will always be there for me. I'm comfortable in Dallas. I have people in Dallas. I could probably find a job more easily because there's just more jobs out there.

Austin/Ryan will always be a source of desire for me. I tried both of them, but it didn't work out the way I planned. I always figured that somehow I'd end up in Austin one of these days, and I did end up here. I'm very proud of that fact. From the very first time I laid eyes on this city when I was a mere 13 years old, I fell in love. With its long hair and White Zombie T-Shirt and green eyes (okay, that's Ryan, but you know), I fell victim to its charms. And I probably always will. Having lived here for a year, I will appreciate its charms even more. I will think about its weaving hills and liberal and accepting people that held their arms open for me and its gay pride parades and my brother and his dog and I will smile, because it's a great place, Austin is. It's just not appropriate for this point in my life.

At least that's what I'm trying to tell myself.

If you understood any of that, I admire you.

But anyway. YAY! Today is West Wing DVD Tuesday! It actually came out last Tuesday but my brother is supposed to get it today in the mail and I'm ohso excited! 22 episodes of the West Wing. Oh man, that is orgasmic bliss right there.

I would go on and on and on about it, but that would be boring, and lord knows I can't be boring. So yay West Wing!

Also, Pirates of the Carribean comes out on DVD today! Commentary from Johnny Depp! Ooooh babeh. I gotta rent that one right away. Stat!

In completely different news, yesterday was the laziest day ever. I didn't do a damn thing except sit on the sofa with my hand down my pants. I did work out, but not until around 8:45 pm. My excuse was that I was waiting for the apartment plumber guy to come by and make the nastyness in my toilet go away. Well, that's great, but I could have been at least cleaning my apartment while I was waiting. I didn't do that. I feel slovenly now.

And that whole toilet debacle was just.. gross. I tried to solve the problem myself with a plunger, and I probably made it worse. But that's all you really need to know, yes?

I'm starting my diet today. I have to or else bad things will happen.

Okay then.

*****

a year ago..

"Why do things have to end? I mean, really.. I could have been content. I could have been happy with the mediocre existence I lead, probably for the rest of my life. Sure, Austin is going to be an awesome opportunity for me, but if I had to choose between going to Austin or staying here and having things stay the same, right now, at this point, at 9:54 on Monday, December 2nd 2002, I'd say that I'd rather have things stay the same. Of course, I'll probably get out of this stupid funk tomorrow and I'll wonder why I'd even, for one tiny minute, consider staying here instead of going to Austin is a good idea. It's not a good idea. It's a horrible idea."

and...

"All he really wanted to say was that he was covering a high school football game at Texas Stadium for this website he works for, and Welcome to the Jungle came on the speakers and rocked the stadium. He just wanted to let me know that this made him think of me.

Which is fine. I like to know when he's thinking of me. But he should be thinking of me all the time, damnit! Not just when he hears GNR!"

2 years ago...

"Can someone please tell my roommate to leave for like.. 10 minutes? I really feel like I need some time with the big purple vibrator and she's just here.. all the time. I hate dorms."



back & forth random
recently...

So be it! My last entry ever. - November 16, 2004
701 - October 17, 2004
Buh bye: An Austinliz thesis - October 03, 2004
war of the roses - October 01, 2004
fucking debate! - September 30, 2004