So, I get the question, "Why did you move to Austin?"

Officially, we all know the answer to this. I moved to Austin because I was dumped after spending 5 years of my life with basically just one whole person. I didn't really make any new friends during the 5 years with Matt. I didn't really have a job. I didn't really study all that much. So when I was dumped, I had nothing, because that's what happens when you do nothing.

I moved to Austin because I have loved Austin ever since I was 12. I moved there because I had no idea how hard it was to get a job in today's world. I moved there because I wanted to feel like I had some kind of independence in my life. Did I? No, not really.

But at least I tried it. I wasn't so succesful at finding a career and things like that, but I did find out that I don't need Matt or any other guy to exist in my world. I did find out that it is possible to make a social life out of scratch. I have a lot of things to be proud of from my experience in Austin, and a lot of things to be not so proud of, but at least I tried it. At least I had the belief that I could have something different for myself instead of sitting around in Dallas always fearing that I would run into Matt and the Girl, or wondering why he didn't want to see me because I was just 15 minutes, or driving by his house to see if Her car was there.. I moved away. And I'm proud of that.

So when people ask me, "Why did you move to Austin?" or "Why did you move back to Dallas?" or maybe even "How was your year in Austin," I almost find it hard to answer. It's almost like when I call Matt my "boyfriend" even though he hasn't been my "boyfriend" in quite some time. It's almost like I'm lying, because whatever I say, it can't be the truth, because the truth is so much more than what the reality of the experience came out to be.

So, that makes no sense.

Anyway, right now I'm watching the total greatness that is Guns N Roses in Tokyo in 1992. Axl has had about 10 different costume changes, and now he's wearking a kilt and a plaid shirt and high top tennis shoes. And yet he's still SO HOTT. Mmmm, nipple ring. And he has this long flowing red hair and these blue eyes and HOLY LORD!

I almost creamed my pants when he sang Don't Cry, and then Patience, because oh lordy.. I do love me some Axl. You'd think that after 12 years and many many disappointments, I would have gotten over it by now. But, I haven't. And I refuse to. Because Axl Rose is fucking greatness and I want to have 10,000 of his babies.

I saw him in person, you know.

And I totally love Dallas radio because today I heart Knockin On Heaven's Door, and then I changed the station and heard the very beginning of Sweet Child.

Like I told my roomate, today is Rock and Roll Sunday, beyatches.

In other news, yesterday I had to take Donna's sister and brother in law to the movies in my car, and my car was so entirely junked out that it was just.. embarassing. So, today I undertook the task of cleaning my car, and now it looks all sparkly and new. While I was at it, I also cleaned the front room and did the dishes and cleaned my room. I am proud of all my cleaning today. It made me feel quite productive. Not to mention that today was one of those cloudless days that usually I hate, but it was 74 degrees and beautiful and it was just a day that you wanted to make the most out of and such. So yay for beautiful days.

This was longer than I meant it to be. I can't help myself.. I don't have any friends, so everything I want to say gets written in here! Muahahaha.

Basically all I wanted to do was declare my love for Axl. So:

Axl, I love you.

Thank you.

Tomorrow is Monday. Yay.

*****

a year ago...

"I don't know what I want with him. I don't want him to forget me, and I want him to care about me. But those are both things I have no control over. He's either going to forget about me or not, and nothing I do will change that. So I might as well recognize that, give it up, and work on improving myself without him."

2 years ago...

I was showing pictures of my dorm room. Fun!