I had a really productive weekend, though! I managed to see both sets of parents, I went to my desired activity of the weekend, Ticketstock, and I got to see my all time favorite radio show live over there, which is always cool. I crammed my weekend full of boys - Chris on Friday night, Matt for lunch on Saturday, Scott for dinner and a movie on Saturday night. We saw Chicago, it was fantabulous. But I was proud of myself.. I hung out with all my boys and I think a good time was had by all. I also got to play with my puppy, I got to do my favorite Dallas things like go to Borders on Sunday morning and get food from my favorite restaurant to go. Yay for Dallas, that's what I say.

I miss the place, but as I said before, I know it's absoulutely the best thing for me to be in Austin right now. I can't stand being within an hour from Matt, it drives me crazy, it makes me like.. insane. It's like he's sending these crazy vibes and if I don't get out of the area, I pick them up and instantly send myself into looney tunes. So it's good that I'm back in Austin.

On the way back, I listened to the book on tape of Sex and the City. Cynthia Nixon was doing the reading and I really got into her voice. It was some good entertaining stuff. Sunday afternoon radio isn't exactly captivating, so I'm glad I had something enjoyable to be entertained with.

Tomorrow, things are going to happen. I'm going to start working, first of all. I'm going to really start hardcore with the diet. I have the exercise thing down to a T, but the food thing I just have to do. I mean, seriously. I can eat right for 5 1/2 months, it's not going to kill me to skip the pizza and the cheese and the candy for that long. I really can't wait until I can finally be happy with my weight, finally be happy with the way I look. I can't wait until the day I finally look into the mirror and decide that I'm happy with myself.

Not to mention the fantasies I have of coming back and seducing Matt into a frenzy.

But that's another thing. Starting tomorrow, I'm throwing myself into Austin, throwing myself into living as much as possible for the future and not for the past. I'm going to make lists tonight about what I ultimately want for myself, and starting tomorrow, I'm going to act on it. Things are going to change because you know why? They can't be like this anymore. I can't do it, I have to change or I'm going to drive everyone, most of all myself, insane. And that's bad times.

So anyway. I seriously mean it this time. I am not going to talk to Matt anymore unless he talks to me. I am going to stop thinking about what it'll be like when I see him again, because I just saw him and it was really relatively uneventful. He wasn't so taken by my beauty that he immediately took me back to his place for crazy unadulterated nookie times. Which, you know.. sucks, but thats okay.

I know I'm a lot of talk and I should just shut up and prove it, so that's what I'm going to do. You guys will see this transformation, because this time it's fucking going to happen. I have 5 1/2 months to start putting myself on the path to what I want from life, and I'm going to take that opportunity and run with it. When else am I going to have this opportunity?

Also, here's the triumphant return of...

*****

What was Liz doing a year ago?

"I was thinking about something in the shower today. One of the wierd things about gaining 50 pounds is that I seem to fart a whole lot more than when I was a little thinner. What's up with that? Why do I fart so damn much? Why do I fart right in the middle of a class and have people actually move away from me? It's a very strange thing."