I think I can definitely say that this has been the longest 2 months OF ALL TIME!

I've just recently gotten a job, I've just recently really started losing weight, and wow.. I still have 5 months left of all this. I'm looking forward to seeing the state of myself in 5 months.. I think it'll be interesting. And good.

*****

I just want to get this out.. because I've been thinking about it a lot tonight.

Today I haven't been able to stop thinking about Matt, and it's really frustrating. I don't know where we are right now.. I don't know if the other chick is going to come back and take him away again, I don't know if he's going to decide it's me he wants, I just don't know right now.

To understand me, I want to let you D-landers in on some basic facts about me. Maybe this will show you why I won't give up on this relationship. Maybe this will show why I fully intend on marrying Matt, having kids with him, being 130 pounds, and being a published author all within the next 5 years even though right now I'm a single secretary that just had chips and salsa for dinner.

So, some facts about me:

- I am spoiled.

- I am used to getting what I want, usually soon after I want it. For example, today I decided I wanted to get a new comforter. An hour later, I was at Target buying a comforter, even if it's not exactly cost conscious of me.

- If I don't get what I want, I wonder why I didn't, and I get a little pissy because I didn't get it.

- I have no patience.

- I am a good writer.

- I am an eternal optimist. I may hate my life at the moment, but I don't hate it as much as I could because I know in a few years, I'll be happy.

- I have no intention of having a 9-5 job for the rest of my life, only getting 2 weeks of vacation. I firmly believe that someday, I will come up with something that will make me rich and will allow me to live the way I always dreamed about.

- I love Matt, and I want him in my life. I usually get what I want, and I'm not going to quit until I know it's not possible. I don't know when that moment is.. maybe when he marries someone else?

- I think I am a good girlfriend. I'm incredibly loyal, I'm really cute, I have big boobs, I can cook, blah blah blah. Someday I'll make someone very happy. Hopefully that person will be Matt.

So I don't know if that's a good combination of things, but that's me. That's what I believe. More importantly, that's what I was raised to believe. That if you just really want something and work extremely hard for it, you'll get it. This is why I believe I will get what I want. Hopefully I won't be proven wrong.

I just wanted to share that with my humble D-land lovers.

*****

I really do feel like I'm losing weight. The whole not having patience thing has been the biggest detriment to me losing weight over the years, because damnit, if I didn't lose 20 pounds overnight, what's the point? But I'm going slowly, I'm doing good stuff, working out and eating right, and I firmly believe that by the time I leave here in July, I will be close to my goal of being 135, in which I have not been since junior high school. It should be good times.

That's a big thing about Hardcore March.. I'm just trying to get my shit together this month, learning how to eat the way I know I need to to lose weight. It's not going so great yet.. today I had a cheeseburger at Waterloo, but I really felt like I had to because they have the best cheeseburgers of all time.

My foot is asleep.

I need to start writing my damn story tonight. I don't know why I keep putting it off. Buh.

Good times.