baby maybe someday
2003-08-11 Things haven't been the same.. since you came.. into my liifffee

I have a question - why am I still thinking about Matt so freaking much? He's just constantly on my mind! I mean, I think about other stuff while I'm thinking about him, obviously, but seriously.. I would think that after all this break up/girlfriend drama ended, I could think about something else obsessively.

I miss him sooo much right now. I'm not going to see him for 2 weeks, and that's a looonnng time. I know that those 2 weeks will speed by like they usually do, but right now, on a Monday morning, it just seems like freakin forever. I miss my Mattiebear! Long distance relationships suck.

In other news, I'm thinking I need to go on some sort of carb diet or something. When I went camping on Friday, it seemed like almost all the girls there were on some kind of diet that they lost 30 pounds on. My friend Sarah's diet is the Carb Addict diet, where she eats 2 meals without carbs a day, and then one with carbs. And damnit, she's hot. I've never seen her wear a shirt that wasn't sleeveless, and if I had arms like that, I would be showing them off all the time too. So maybe I should do that, I don't know. Today I'm starting a diet in that I'm not going to go to Taco Cabana or McDonalds, but that can only last for so long before I really have to get intense with the losing weight thing.

It's time. It was really time when I first moved here, but I let other factors affect me and for some reason I just stopped working so hard on it. That's lame. I still have 6 months here and a lot can happen in 6 months, yes indeed.

Aren't you tired of me saying "I only have so and so months left here" ? I am. I really shouldn't be looking at it like that, but I can't help it. I love Austin, but I really don't plan on staying here any longer than necessary. But on the other hand, I have to change the shit I came here to change before I leave, so I better get on it! Dizamn.

In other news, my apartment has apparently been designated the party apartment as of late. Not mine in particular, but all the people around me. On Saturday night, people were partying all night, way past 6 AM. When I woke up on Sunday there was a big pile of dog shit right next to my door. I'm not sure if that has anything to do with the parties, but it's gross! Yes siree. And last night, these loud motherfuckers were playing their music as loud as possible until like.. 3 AM. I absolutely hate people who have no respect for people that need to, oh I don't know, actually work on Monday morning and need to get their sleep? Grrr. I don't like loud party people.

Sex and the City was lame last night. But then we watched the Denis Leary Roast, and that was good times. Denis Leary is getting hotter, I think.

My brother has this new boyfriend, and I am fascinated by him. He interned for Howard Stern in 1994! He like, actually knows Howard Stern! I think that is the way coolest thing ever. He is my new hero.

I'm trying to have a positive attitude for this lovely rainy-like Monday morning, but guh.. from this perspective it just seems so craptacular this morning. I need a job, and I need one soon, and it drives me crazy that I'm here once again trying to look for one. But hey, things happen for a reason, and something will happen, and everyone will be happy.

Sometimes I just think it sucks that I'm not one of those people who gets it right away. I'm not like those people who are good at whatever they do, even if they do hate it. And I hate that I thought I was so above everyone else in college for no particular reason, even. Why did I think I would get a job right out of college when I got shitty grades and everyone else with internships and shit were just doing unnecessary extra work? I was so on crack.

And I'm not necessarily off crack yet, because in the back of my mind, I'm now looking for jobs I don't have to do on the weekend so it doesn't jeopardize my time with Matt. How lame is that? That's what got me in trouble in the first fucking place. *Shakes head* Someday I'll learn. Someday.

This is so long because I'm really trying to avoid going out into the real world and applying effort this morning. Must.exert.effort. Must.find.job.

Anyway.



back & forth random
recently...

So be it! My last entry ever. - November 16, 2004
701 - October 17, 2004
Buh bye: An Austinliz thesis - October 03, 2004
war of the roses - October 01, 2004
fucking debate! - September 30, 2004