I went to church this morning and afterwards, I went to their "Welcome to our church" lunch thingie. I met some nice people and I'm really looking forward to getting actively involved with this church.

When I look back on my college years, I think my favorite semester was my fall semester of my junior year. It was when I got really involved in church and the community group. I was surrounded by girls who accepted me, even with my complete and total social retardation. I was learning so much about religion and God and where my place was in that whole thing, and it was great. It helped that Matt finally comitted to me in November of that year once he saw that I was turning my life around.

I don't know what happened to have all that come crashing down, but 2001 was just not my year. Matt uncomitted to me once he met Super Fantastic Perfect Girlfriend, although she ended up breaking his heart in that incarnation of their relationship. And somehow, I lost the feelings I once had when it came to seeking God.

I know I've talked about it before, but even in my total deviant, porn watching, Eminem loving, red eat meating, cussing rocker chick status, I wanted to seek God. I like what happens when I surround myself with people who have sought him successfully. I like learning new things about christianity and I like everything that comes with it. I like myself when I'm seeking these things, most of all. I feel.. productive.

So I'm going to get actively involved with this church. I'm going to join a small group and I'm going to learn new things and it's gonna be good times. And they have different ministries.. one of them is a homeless ministry, where once a month we go give homeless people clothes and such like this. And I dunno.. I feel guilty when I see a homeless person, like I owe them something. Most of the time, I will give them money just because I feel obligated. So I think I'm gonna join that ministry and all this other stuff. I want to feel good about myself and I don't think I can unless I give back, do stuff that doesn't benefit me in any way except for the satisfaction that I helped someone else.

I hope that didn't sound too self rightous. I'm just excited about all the stuff I can get myself into at this point in my life.

After church, I went to my brother's house. He has been out of town ever since the day I got here, so we haven't been able to hang out. We went TV shopping for him. Let me tell ya, TV shopping at Best Buy with your brother? The most exciting activity of all time. Not really. I just wanted to go home and watch the best of the 80's marathon on VH1, but it was probably good to be social.

We also went to get Pho with his boyfriend. I've never had Pho. It was.. interesting. Filling. Good stuff.

I liked hanging out with him and his boyfriend and his puppy dog today, but I don't know how long that will last. My brother is hard to take unless it's in small doses. I'm guess it's a good thing I moved 10 minutes away from him then, ehh?

Anyway. I haven't talked to Matt today. I think our conversation and me subsequently getting him off through the miracle of cyber sex (Is it so wrong to be happy about the fact that I did that? Well, his girlfriend isn't giving him any, someone has to!) was good to give me some more closure. Weird, isn't it? I can't seem to get enough fucking closure. But thats okay.

Me and my DVD player are continuing to bond. Tonight I'm watching the second season of Sex and the City. That would mean 18 episodes of Sex and the City in the past 3 days. I am full of New York City and sex. Fun times.

I also happen to be in love with Mr. Big and I think Carrie should just marry him and get it over with.

Anyway. I'm tired. Have a nice night.