baby maybe someday
August 10, 2004 Disturbing tales of things gone by.

Hey monkeys.

The first thing I'd like to address today is Meatloaf. I seem to be inundated by Meatloaf these days. I go for maybe YEARS without hearing anything about Meatloaf, and then for 3 days in a row, I hear Meatloaf songs on 3 different radio stations. What is Meatloaf trying to tell me? Stop it!


On more of a somber note, this probably doesn't apply to most of you, but have you ever been in the situation where a member of your family dies and maybe you try to feel sad about it but you were never really close to that family member and then you feel all creepy that you aren't sad enough about it?

My aunt on my mom's side died last night. No one knows why yet, but it probably has something to do with the massive amount of drugs she's consumed in her lifetime. She died on the toilet. Like Elvis. I wasn't very close to her, and I only feel bad because my mom is really sad about it. It was her only sister, and while she was crazy and mostly misunderstood, it's still her sister. So my mom is coming back from Utah tonight and she's going to stay with me for a few days while she helps HER mom out with all that kind of stuff.

It's yucky. But I feel kinda the same I did when my grandfather on my mom's side died.. it was basically an excuse to get out of school for a day and then see Josh later, since he lived in the same part of town. It was also an excuse to go see Anaconda together and participate in some very nasty sexual activity in the movie theater. I was 17, it happens.

I feel bad that I can't really give enough moral support to my mom. But.. we'll deal with it.

My mom will be staying with me for a few days, so needless to say, now I have adequate motivation to clean my damn room. I have to make sure all the porn isn't visible, I have to clean my bathroom, I have to change my sheets, I have to find a better place for my shoes other than the corner, and pretty much I have to mom-proof the place. Because a two-bedroom apartment is hardly even big enough for two people, much less three.



While we're being somber, I'd like to address the buliemia issue. I think I alarmed a few people when I mentioned it yesterday.

I seriously don't think of it as a major problem. I only feel the need to do it during a certain time of the year, that being the end of the summer. I've done that 3 years in a row now. But when I really decide to stop it, I do, and it doesn't happen for another 9 or 10 months, and when it does happen, it only happens like 4 or 5 times before I get disgusted with myself and shelve it until next year.

So, the point is, I don't do it much. It doesn't have control over me. I'm not Karen Carpenter. That's really all I can say about the matter.. I just don't consider it a big deal. Although it probably is.


I briefly unretired myself from review whoredom and got a fantastic review at Sandpaper Reviews. It's nice to get some good validation every now and then.


I am fascinated by our new radio station, Jack FM. This morning they played My Immortal and right after that, they played "Shake Your Booty" but I think KC and the Sunshine Band. They play whatever the hell they want, and I dig that a lot. I've heard GN'R on there at least twice.

I haven't heard about the radio job yet. I'm assuming that's bad, but I'll call tomorrow and check. Fuckers.


No Farm Guy dreams last night, so that's good. I know this will be over in a matter of days. And then what will my obsession be? I need an obsession! I'm just not whole without one!

I do know that whenever I make it out to the farm next time, things will be different in terms of hanging out with him. I will now actually care about my appearance and like maybe even brush my hair while I'm there. Why? Because I am a dork, and because I want his farm babies.

Rock on.


I am tired of looking for a job.


I am not destined to EVER write a short entry. Thank you for your patience.


a year ago..

"If the whole Matt thing wasn't in the equation, there would be a possibility that I would stay here beyond February. But I just say that because I know I'll be moving in February anyway, and it's fun to think about my future mistakes, right? I'm a dork."

3 years ago...

"Okay, so it's 4:39 PM and I'm sitting here in my underwear (my NEW underwear, might I add!) eating cookie dough. Am I proud of this fact? Not really. But come on, it's 102 degrees! I was wearing clothes at some point, but it's just too hot to wear anything right now. The cookie dough I have no excuse for. I just had a craving."


"Something unspeakably horrible happened to me this morning, something so stanktaciously disgusting I dare not speak its name. Something so extremely gross, I can't even begin to explain. The only thing I will say about it is that I will never eat chocolate chip cookie dough again."

back & forth random

So be it! My last entry ever. - November 16, 2004
701 - October 17, 2004
Buh bye: An Austinliz thesis - October 03, 2004
war of the roses - October 01, 2004
fucking debate! - September 30, 2004