I know that something will happen soon. There's got to be someone out there who needs me! Who needs someone with awesome availability who just needs a week or so of training. I just have to fill out enough applications to come across this one person. Hopefully it will happen soon.

I want to go home this weekend so bad.. but I know it wouldn't be very conducive to things. I want to go home the first weekend in May, but if I get a job, that probably won't happen. I really don't know what to do anymore.. I'm not as depressed as I was last week, but I'm possibly more confused and more upset about the job thing than I should be.

Today is Ryan's birthday. He's fuckin 25 years old! Matt's birthday is in a month, and he will also be 25. This is so strange to me. When did I start knowing all these old people? 23 seems old to me. 23 seems like I should be out there having an accomplished career already. I know it doesn't happen like that sometimes, but bah.. just.. bah.

The main problem I'm having with the job thing right now is that I'm too inexperienced for a receptionist/administration position, I learned that last time. And I know if I just get thrown into something, I probably won't be as lucky to have someone who was so patient with me, and I need that. I need someone to give me a list of things to do, show me how to do it once, and then answer my questions if I get confused. I know that's too much to ask for right now.

But on the other hand, I would need that kind of thing with a retail job, too. I don't know how to do retail. Someone would have to train me. And I wouldn't be able to have that 9-5 security, with no weekends. I want at least 1 weekend a month to go home and be with my mommy.

*sigh*

I don't know. And Matt is in Shreveport right now, and I remember last month he said that if I was Hardcore during March, he'd want me to go with him. But I'm not with him. His roommate is with him. I so wish I could be with him like that. I miss road trips. I miss driving and trying not to fall asleep while he sleeps next to me. I miss going to hotels and sharing the bed. I miss Matthew.. I miss him so much. I know the only way to get him back is to suck it up and make friends and get my party started, and I'm trying. But what if it doesn't work out?

I still don't know the deal with his girlfriend. I don't think he sees her very much. Like, he used to see her on Monday because they both had class and they'd meet after class. But he didn't go to school on Monday, thus not seeing her.

This entry was way more down in the dumps than I meant it to be. But, you know.. it's just destined to be one of those days. I don't have any real concrete plans for the day..I'm going to go do the job application thing and then I'm going to come home and clean. Because jeez.. it's scary how I let my apartment become so trashed sometimes. And buh.. I just hate waking up. I wish I could sleep until like.. 6 PM. That would rock.

I also had a dream about losing my teeth last night. Apparently this is a very bad sign. Here's what a dream dictionary had to say about it:

"Normally an unfavorable sign in a dream. It signifies displeasure and also shows that you are afraid of losing someone dear to you." Greeaattt.

Oh, and this one is even better!

Appearance issues evolve with age. When we are teens, teeth falling out dreams may reflect concerns about fitting in with a group, or knowing the right thing to say in a certain situation -- in addition to physical appearance issues. As we grow older, the dreams often reflect concerns about attractiveness. They are especially common after we suffer setbacks in relationships such as breakups or divorce. As we grow older still, soon we are concerned with the effects of age: wrinkles, gray hairs, sagging muscle tone and extra weight. Nicceeeee.

Anyway, I think I'm going to call Ryan in a couple of days. I'm not sure if I have the right number, but what do I have to lose? Matt got back his one that got away, why can't I go after mine a little? Maybe he'll take a road trip over here! Maybe we can have a little happy fling! Maybe he's married and hasn't thought about me in years!

What is it with me and my ex-boyfriends? Geez louise.

I'm going to get ready to get rejected now. I hope your day is better than mine.