So, it's going to be mine. ALL MINE.

If any of you bid on it, I'll kick your ass.

*****

So, a year ago...

The conversation all dumped people want to wake up to at 1:15 in the morning:

He calls me and tells me to get online, and hereforth is the beginning of our conversation:

Me: What's up?

Matt: Hey there..

Matt: I just got dumped.

Me: That's no fun.

Matt: Nope! Sure isn't.

It turns out she cheated on him. Heh.

My brain is not functioning.

More details to come.

Yeah. It's been a year. But.. whatever.

I had such high hopes for us after that day.. he came to Austin, a three hour drive in the pouring rain on a Friday afternoon.. I couldn't believe he was actually in my apartment, on my sofa, and then in my bed.. it was surreal. And now.. it's nothing to write home about. We barely have a relationship to speak of, and what we do have is a once a week fling, really.

I'm trying not to be unbearably jealous of my roommate's situation. She and her boyfriend broke up, and had a weird situation for a while, but now they're back together and he's over here every night, they now have this dog together.. when I woke up this morning they were watching Bruce Almighty and snuggling on the sofa. I'm trying not to be mind-numblingly jealous of that. I'm trying to assure myself that I'm just in a transitional period at the moment and soon I'll crawl out of this hole I've made for myself and I'll have what I really want. But.. that's hard. Of course it's hard. It obviously wasn't meant to be easy.

Anyway. A year. Yeah.

****

So, our doggy. His name is PD, as in Police Dog, as in Roommate's boyfriend is a Policeman. He's a sweetie pie, and I dig him.

When he first got here, his first night was full of trying to pee on everything and humping Roommate's old dog's blanket. So, lots of attempted peeing and humping going on. But he's cool now. I think he's taking a nap right now. I hope so, since I'm the only one here.

I have a picture of him on my silly camera phone, so I will share that momentarily.

****

In my ongoing quest to appease the voice in my head that is always saying "GET RELIGION, HEATHEN!", I went to yet another small group meeting yesterday.

I've been in several small groups in my time, and they aren't always what I'm looking for. Obviously the one in Austin was perfect for me, and I really wish I could find something like that in Dallas.

Anyway, this small group was a disappointment as it contained a whole bunch of old people. I was the youngest, by A LOT. And that sucked.

After that, I ironically went to see Saved. It reminded me a lot of the Opposite of Sex, because it had one of the same guys in it, there was a gay dude, there was some teen pregnancy mixed in, and a voice over to cap it off. I dug it. It was a really good movie.

But I saw it with a bunch of mall-going teenagers, and the movie was actually stopped in the middle and the theater management actually had to come in and announce "YOU PEOPLE ARE MAKING TOO MUCH NOISE! WE WILL NOT TURN THIS BACK ON UNTIL YOU'RE QUIET! AND STOP THROWING THINGS TOO!" Ummm, okay. I didn't know we were all in junior high.

But it was cool because everyone got a "Disturbance Pass" at the end, which is good for a free movie.

But yay Saved.

*****

I really need to do some cleaning, but I am finding it hard to get off my ass to do so.

Seven is on right now. Have I ever mentioned that the first time I ever got fingered was when Ryan and I went to see Seven? I just thought everyone wanted to know that information.

*****

So, I am a reasonably intelligent female with a college degree, slightly socially retarded with absolutely no experience to speak of, except for 5 months at a college newspaper. I guess what that translates to is "Unemployable."

My mom wants me to come see her in Utah, and obviously I think that would be a fun activity to participate in. But, as usual, I find it hard to make future plans because I have no idea when I'm going to get a new job. If I have a new job, I'm not exactly going to take off and go to Utah my first couple of months there.

When I explained this to my mom, she said "Well, don't worry about finding a job until you get to come out here." And that made me CRAZY! I actually started CRYING when she said that because WTF?! I'm supposed to put off my job search so I can go to Vegas and then Utah in July? I probably would have seen no problem in doing that 2 years ago when I was a slacker that didn't give a fuck about the future, but right now I find it appalling.

I am obsessed with finding a job. I check Monster every 30 minutes to see what new jobs have been added. I send emails to any place in Dallas that has a website, asking them if they need an intern. I am always looking, and it is always on my mind. I feel like a loser, like I am not at all benefitting society without a job.

I mean, yes, I have this job with my dad. But I hate it. I do NOTHING all day. And the people are all great and talented and crap, but they are SO country! SO country.

I need a job.

*****

That is all.