I woke up 10 minutes before I was supposed to leave for church, threw on some clothes, didn't even bother brushing my hair, and drove to that which is church. I sat through a sermon on stress and after that, I saw a chick from my small group and had a very socially awkward exchange with her. But I feel like I have a connection to her now.. she has a long distance boyfriend in Dallas. I would say "She has a long distance boyfriend in Dallas too", but I don't actually have a long distance boyfriend in Dallas. Yet.

Anyway. I then proceeded to spend an ass ton of money grocery shopping at Central Market and Albertson's. For all your sakes, I hope each and every one of you has something like Central Market in your town. I am always amazed at the groovetacular selection when I'm there, and I walk around in awe, with my mouth wide open, and buy way too much.

Mmmm, sourdough.

I then came home and put Pulp Fiction in the DVD player. I meant to start cleaning my apartment while watching the movie, but I forgot how extremely awesome this movie is and I got totally sucked in. It is my favorite movie of all time. It's not like Bridget Jones' Diary or any other movie that I can take out and watch all the time, nuh uh. Pulp Fiction is for a special day. I haven't even watched it yet and I bought it 6 months ago.

Anyway, the point is that I really love that movie. It's sacred. I think it's what Matt and I were watching when we kissed for the first time, but there's debate about that. Pulp Fiction rocks!

Then I completed my Defensive Driving thingie. It took forever! And I only got a 70 on the final test. If I had gotten any lower than that, well, it would have been bad.

In other news, I am completely paranoid about where Matt is right now. He's not home, apparently. And of course that makes my mind race. And we're not official or whatever, so there's really nothing I can do about it or get mad about. I really don't trust him. I am hoping in my heart of hearts that we'll get through this contemplative period, but I just don't think we will, really. I don't think he's strong enough to avoid the girl, and I don't think he's strong enough to committ himself to a long period of a long distance relationship. I just don't think he has it in him. This makes me sad, but I don't have faith in him. I have faith in us and I will do whatever it takes to make it work, but I just don't believe that he would do the same.

And I mean.. I am giving myself less credit than I deserve. He's the one who called me out of the blue on Thursday night, he's the one who just got out of his big chair and drove here in the middle of rush hour traffic just to see me. He said that if he was going to do it, he was just going to get up and do it and not make excuses not to. And he said he's serious about making it work.

But I just don't have a reason to believe him yet. I hope he gives me reasons. He did IM me this morning when I got back from church, but it wasn't a very interesting exchange.

I just want to have faith in him. And I really don't right now. I don't think he'll make the right choice. I don't think he wants it enough.

Before he left yesterday, he said that he just wants us both to be happy before we got together, and I'm like, "But it'll take forever to get happy!" And he was like, "No it won't, don't worry." And then I asked if we could still do the nookie thing and he said yes, so that's good! Nookie! Yay!

I'm telling you guys.. explosive orgasms rule.

Anyway. I am going to spend the rest of the night eating fajitas and going through archives of my former self. Matt said he gave into temptation once and read one of my entries back in October or November, and it made him feel guilty. So I'm looking for guilty entries. If that's not good times, I don't know what is.