It doesn't really have that much to do with Matt. Sure, him sending me a text message today that said "You're a beautiful, strong, intellgent woman" did make me smile for a little while.

Well, I change my mind. It does have a lot to do with him. He is making me realize that I have made a lot more progress than I thought. When he came here last weekend he was really impressed with the stuff I've managed to do for myself. And as he was talking about his current depression, I realize that I was there. 4 months ago, I was where he was. I couldn't listen to music on the radio, I had to listen to talk radio. I felt like everything was hopeless, like I almost wanted to die. And I don't feel that way anymore. I have social engagements to go to, a job to go to, a life to attend to here in Austin.

I could stand to make a shit ton (my new favorite phrase) more progress, but I'm doing good. I sat with 3 girls at work today, and we gossiped. I learned who has an abusive husband in our class, who's a lesbian, who hates our trainer, who has the hots for who. It was liberating for me. For the girls I sat with, I'm sure it was no big deal. For me, it was huge.

A big breakthrough came today, too. I was sitting by myself during the break, eating a muffin and drinking Dr. Pepper, and a chick that ate lunch with came and sat with me! While I was by myself! That was big to me. This whole social anxiety thing is starting the process of dissapearing.

The day was further made groovetastic by finally managing to work out, and then capping off the day by hanging out with my brother, eating some flank steak and loving on his dog and doing laundry. A very productive day, I'd say. I even got my ticket dismissed, $157 and $15 in lost wages later. Damn you, state of Texas! Don't I give you enough money through my purchase of lottery tickets? Whores, all of you!

Matt and I had a really intense conversation last night, and it was a big thing. My contention is that if he wants it, he'd go after it. But his contention is that if we get back together right now, he wouldn't have changed, and our relationship would suffer. I could see that. And I could have felt shitty today about not knowing the fate of our relationship, but I don't. I feel good.

I am also learning a lot by doing this Dr. Phil Relationship Rescue workbook. I love that Matt wants us to do these workbooks together. It makes me feel like he's really trying to get it together, and that's cool. But yeah, who knows. I don't. Whatever. Happy! Woohoo!

This entry was all over the place because it's so freaktastically hot in this place right now I'm about to like.. die. I could technically turn on the air conditioning, but that would be too easy.

Okay then.