baby maybe someday
2003-03-01 Hardcore March has begun!

I just joined a bunch of rings and signed up for a couple of reviews. I am allowed to be a whore, god damnit.

So, it is Hardcore March! It's kinda like Lent, but since I am not at Mardi Gras right now, I don't have to do Lent this year. But it's kind of like an extended version of Lent. So there you go.

In Hardcore March, I will not:

1. Go to drive thrus. No McDonalds, no Taco Bell, no Jack in the Box, no Taco Cabana.

2. I will not drink Dr. Pepper. If I must have some kind of carbonated drink, it'll be Pepsi One or something else without a lot of calories.

3. I will eat three meals a day if it kills me.

4. I will follow the diet Kyle has given me, because my stomach wants to go away. It's saying "I hate it here! Make me go away!"

5. I will continue my working out.. I'll go right after work, or I'll come home, eat dinner, and go work out.

6. I will write 500 words a day of my novel. Today I am exempt because my mommy is coming and that means I'm special.

7. I will not cry. My crying days are behind me now.

8. I will make an effort to make friends.. I will call my church people and invite them to do things. It will be good.

9. I will not rent any movies from Blockbuster. I personally hate this one, but I feel like I need to do it.

10. I will be the best secretary of all time!

11. I will not eat pizza. Maybe just once, the french bread pizza I already bought.

12. I will eat apples.

13. I will make myself proud.

None of these things include anything about Matt. Because I don't know what I'm going to do about Matt, but I just know that when I make rules about him, I don't follow them. I usually go out of my way not to follow them. So I just won't do that. But I want to try to make a resolution not to get all "woe is me" in here for the next month. Because I have a job now. I have no guarentees from Matt. There shouldn't be any "woe is me," so I'm just not going to write about it when there is. Fair enough?

My original plan was also to not masturbate during this time, but I might rethink that one. I'm a single girl, okay?!

*****

So anyway.. there's some things I'd like to talk about today.

What I've been missing this past 4 months is that it IS possible to live without Matt. I haven't died without him. I haven't evaporated into thin air without him. I found a job, I've lost 12 pounds, I've lived in another city without having to go home every weekend to see my mommy for 2 months now, all without him. I CAN make it without him. I HAVE BEEN. I don't like it, but if I have to, I know that I can.

I did talk to him a little last night.. like the dork he is, he brought his labtop with him to Louisiana and he got online when he made it over there. He told me he wished I was there because the dude he was with (I think he's with Scott, aka the FGG) doesn't understand the art of road trips. And I do understand the art of road trips.. we took so many of them during our 5 years together, it's just insane. But hey, I offered to go, so he should just shut up.

So anyway. The point is that I have made it on my own, even if I've been doing it kicking and screaming. It's all good, right? Right on.

*****

And you know what? I live in Austin. It might not be the city I thought it was, but I'm doing what I really wanted to do from the start. I've wanted to live here for so long, it's just insane. And now I do, and I complain about it every single day. I should just start to enjoy myself here.. it's a nice place, with lots of pretty hills and kooky people and all kinds of things to appreciate.

That won't stop me from moving back to Dallas on August 1st, but for now, I should enjoy the moment. So I will work on that in Hardcore March.

*****

One more thing that you probably don't want to know:

Since I was like.. 14, I've been quite bisexual. Like.. I've wanted some girl loving for a long time. But it never really worked out for me. I've made out with a few, and I've ruined friendships by "falling in love" with my friends, and that's just not good times.

Ever since I got dumped and I'm not getting any on a weekly basis, I really don't have a lot of bisexualness going on anymore. I don't have the urge to get me some female loving. Sure, if I was in the situation I probably wouldn't say no! But I'm never in the situation, so I don't have to worry about that.

I don't even like the girl-on-girl porn anymore, and that used to be all I used to watch.

Fun, eh?

Anyway. I need to clean my apartment before my mom comes so she doesn't faint in fear.

ROck on with your bad selves.

*****

What was Liz doing a year ago?

"I went to the office to get my check, and the check lady said she'd be back in a few minutes. I waited about 15 minutes until she came back, and then rushed to my illegally parked car to see if it had a sticker on it yet. The parking guy was so about to give me a ticket. He was eyeing my car when I ran up to it and opened the door. He gave me this really cute parking ticket guy smile and walked away. I like cute parking ticket guy smiles, yes I do."



back & forth random
recently...

So be it! My last entry ever. - November 16, 2004
701 - October 17, 2004
Buh bye: An Austinliz thesis - October 03, 2004
war of the roses - October 01, 2004
fucking debate! - September 30, 2004