The past week hasn't been eventful, really. On Thursday night my roomate and I did some bonding by getting kinda drunk and watching the Apprentice. She called me a whore because I've never seen Grease (it looks like a stupid movie! What can I say?!) and she yelled while I was on the phone with my mom "Your daughter is a big dork!", so I guess we bonded properly. The girl gets a little beligerant when she's drunk! I told her that, and she's like, "Please, no big words right now."

I saw Matt on Thursday and Saturday, so that might be a record - twice in one week! We had some proper nookie, I cooked for him, and on Saturday I spent the night. It was quite pleasant and somewhat unexpected.

I also had a big job interview yesterday. It was with a tiny little publishing place in Dallas, and I thought it was going pretty well! First of all, the dude was 20 minutes late so I talked to his assistant until he showed up. His assistant is a chick who just graduated recently and whom I really enjoyed talking to. She might be the only person I've ever come in contact with who was familiar with Nanowrimo, and that was awesome.

So I talked to her for 20 minutes, and then the guy showed up and he talked to me for like.. 2 minutes. I thought things were going awesomely well until he dropped this bomb on me...

"Well, we already have a summer intern, and we're looking for fall interns now. So we'll let you know in JUNE if you have the job for AUGUST."

Swish. There goes my spirits.

So it's back to answering phones and surfing the internet all day. Which really isn't that bad.. I'd just rather be doing something that matters in the whole scheme of things in my lifetime. But when I get that paycheck every 2 weeks, I don't care that I'm not getting anything out of this job. Is that bad?

So that was fun times.

Also, my dad said that I would make a good prostitute. That's always something you want to hear from your father, right? He said that because I weasled money out of him after I threw a fit and cried and ran away because he was being an arsehole. You gotta do what you gotta do, right?

Now, here's the weird part. On Sunday I went to my grandmother's house. My grandmother lives in a little suburb of Dallas called Pleasant Grove, which is neither Pleasant nor a Grove. Talk amongst yourselves.

Anyway. After I had a proper visit with her, I decided that it had been a long time since I weirdly and obsessively drove by Josh's house.

I don't know why I felt compelled to do such a thing, but I did. I don't do it often because he lives in a cul de sac so I'd actually have to drive by twice. And I was surprised that I still knew the way over there, but I did. And I was freaked out the entire time. I even tried to disguise myself by wearing a trucker hat that I got at my dad's farm! How lame is that?

And then yesterday I wanted to go to the mall after work to buy some new work clothes. The closest mall was a mall that I used to frequent with Josh. I've had sex in the movie theater next to the mall, in fact. Which has since closed.

I.hated.that.mall. I seriously had to leave after about 20 minutes of fruitlessly walking around and freaking out and feeling like I was about to grow some hives. I think I might have been having a panic attack of some kind.

The thing is, Josh and I went out for 8 months almost 7 years ago. Why do I still freak the fuck out about this person? I thought I saw someone who looked vaguely like him and man did I freak out. I forgot to get my credit card back after buying some pizza at the food court and the pizza people had to call me back over. It was just.. stupid. Why does he still have this weird pull on me? I don't understand that.

I mean, we didn't even have a good relationship at the time! It was abusive! And it was all about sex! Sex sex sex, all the time, whenever we could possibly find a place. In the car, in bathrooms, in movie theaters, in parking lots.. just sex, all the time, everywhere. We didn't have a real relationship!

So it's not like I miss him, or want him back, or pine for him. I do sometimes wonder how many people he's gotten pregnant and how many times he's been arrested since I haven't talked to him in 4 years, but I don't even like him! He's not a good person, and I have no urge to ever have him in my life again. So why am I torturing myself by doing things I know will remind me of him?

So weird.

Another local mall has the same effect on me regarding Ryan, but at least I don't totally lose my shit whenever I go there. Since we used to go there together and since I spotted him there by himself once, I feel like whenever I go there I'm gonna see him. So I'm always on the lookout.

What is it with me and my obsessive ex-boyfriend behavior? I'm such a weirdo.

Also, in a week and a half, I have almost watched 5 entire seasons of Sex and the City. I only have two episodes left. I love Sarah Jessica Parker and I love Carrie, and I wish the show didn't end, but again, I'm glad she ended up with Big. *contented sigh*

Also, I saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and it was soooo good. Even though I kinda guessed what was going on within the first 15 minutes, I was still fascinated by the whole thing. Yummy.

*****

What was Liz doing a year ago?

"But, it's official. Wanting someone to feel something for you that they just can't, or won't, is officially the worst feeling in the whole world. Maybe not as bad as being mauled by a lion, but pretty fucking bad."

two years ago...

"But In the Bedroom was long and a little boring. Especially after Nick Stahl died. Then I just lost interest.

Anyway, I was thinking about it today while I was standing in line for this movie (the theater was completely full! Gah, I hate that.) and I think I figured it out. I am so bitter towards him and all his success because he was really the first (and not the last at all) boy to really reject me. Like, flat out hardcore rejection. I was just a 12 year old girl who was in love with the new actor boy at our school! My ex best friend got to date him for a little while. God, I was so jealous of her. Unbeliavably jealous."