And for some reason, he felt it appropriate to ask me if I was in his area today. Um no? Um, I live 200 miles away? His house was broken into and for a while they thought it was someone who had a key, and of course he thought of me because apparently I'm the only one who has ever had a key. So, what he was accusing me of was either coming there myself and breaking into his house, or someone who I gave a copy of the key to broke in and stole nothing, but apparently rearranged the furniture.

Oh, okay. Apparently he thinks I'm a total psycho. That's not too reassuring.

Anyway.

The following things happened today:

I did the weekly activity of getting fed up with job hunting and I went to see a movie. Phone Booth = good movie. Colin Farrell = total tool.

I also did not have any pizza. I was going to have pizza for dinner because I'm a total pizza whore, and usually pizza is involved in my day somehow, but then I worked out and did 30 minutes on the treadmill and sweated more than a whore in church, so I decided not to have pizza and instead had nothing. Was that the longest sentence of all time? I'm having problems with my sentence structures these days.

As a result, I'm now quite hungry. Hungry like the wolf.

Bah.

So, a few weeks ago the question was asked at church, "What do you think God is trying to accomplish in your life right now?" That was a good question. It really made me think.

I was again thinking about it today, and I really think God is trying to teach me patience. I've never had to have patience before! And now I have to. I can't give up on the job search. I can't sit here and stew in my own loser juices. I have to make some kind of income, I have to prove something to myself and everyone else who doesn't think I can do it.

And I think God is trying to show me that the current way of doing things isn't accomplishing anything. My "diet" is horrible, and therefore I'm not losing my desired weight. I keep obsessing over Matt, so therefore the process of getting over him is that much harder. I seem to be looking for jobs in the wrong places, or I don't have the right hours or the right look or the right attitude, so I can't get a job. It's all very frustrating, and I can't help but wonder when God is going to stop messing with my head and give me a freaking job!

I am glad that I'm learning patience, because after all, Axl says that's all we need. But it's not fun. I hate it, in fact.

But man.. I don't know what I did to have such a great and loving mommy, but I must have done something right. I don't know what I've ever done to impress her or to be proud of me, but she is. And she gives me daily pep talks about how special I am and how I'm destined to find whatever I want to find. How did I get such a loving mommy? I love my mommy.

I wish Matt would ask me how I'm doing or something. I have to ask him all the questions right now. I wish he would have initiated the conversation. I hate how he ruins my fantasies in this way. I like to think how he's constantly thinking about what I'm doing and how much he misses me, but if he was, wouldn't he care about how my day was? And what I did today? And how my well being is?

Damn these fantasies. Damn boys. And bah.

I am really tired and hungry, but it's not time to go to sleep yet! Don't you hate that?

*grumblegrumble*