Okay, this is my 345th entry in the past couple of days, but what can you do sometimes? I feel like I need to write down my current feeling of contentment before I lose it all.

Despite having all 3 members of my immediate family giving me lectures on the importance of finding a job as soon as possible, despite having no money, despite the fact that I'm getting a little frustrated with my weight situation, despite the fact that Matt and I really haven't had any big life changing conversations lately.. I feel quite content. I was just cruising down Lamar tonight, with the window down, watching the lightening and putting my hand out the window to feel the beginning of the rain that started to pour down...

I LOVE that feeling. Seriously, sometimes there's these little moments in my life when I wonder why everything has to suck so bad when I feel so content about it. I have so many things to worry about, yet I'm okay. Maybe it's the pills, I don't know. I'm just grateful. Hopefully I'll be able to continue that gratefulness this week into finding a damn job. You know, one of those things where you do stuff for other people and then they pay you for it.

I wish I could be a stripper.

I think a lot of this has to do with being so social this weekend. The crazy balls-out party on Friday night, and the party I went to last night was pretty groovy too. It was a couple of small groups from church. We ate some spaghetti and played Cranium for like.. 3 hours. It was a long game. Some people had some vodka-like fun, but I was a good girl and decided to pass that part up.

I really had fun this weekend. And these girls really make me question my views on Christians in general. I know it's lame, but I've always thought that nice christians don't have alcohol and don't swear and are basically just boring in general. But I'm wrong. I'm learning that as I go, and it's making me so much more interested in doing what I know I need to do, what's been on my heart and my mind. It'll happen someday. When I get the balls, it'll happen.

Tonight I'm even listening to all my illegally downloaded songs on WinAmp and I'm singing along with them.. if I was sad, I'd just listen. I just feel good. I really hope this feeling lasts. I didn't even turn off "We've Got Tonight" when it came on, a song that usually makes me want to lie in the fetal position and suck my thumb all night.

All this rain is making me horny. I wish I could be sucking on something else. Man, I'm such a pervert. Me = pervert. And I wish Matt would play along, but he's doing the "you are just a friend and I'm not going to allude to anything sexual or lovey-dovey so that you can get your shit together without my help" kind of thing that I love and hate at the same time. *sigh* But that's okay. I'll figure it out.

In other news, I'm starting to worry about my eating habits as of late. Today, I've only had like 4 pieces of pizza and some yogurt. I want to lose weight, but I think I'm doing it the wrong way, and that frustrates me. I spend hours at the gym everyday, working my ass off, and I'm not seeing the results at all. I don't know why I seem to have lost interest in eating. I'm glad that I don't eat so much, but it's not resulting in what I want it to. Grrrr.

I just finished listening to "Close Your Eyes Forever" by Lita Ford and Ozzy Osbourne. How cool is that? Now I'm listening to "Girl, You'll be a Woman Soon" by Urge Overkill. Man, I love that song.

Anyway - the point is.. happy. Content. Hope to find a job soon. Good times.

However, it's pissing me off just a bit that Matt is already telling me that his "weekend is overloaded" next week, so obviously I won't be able to see him. He can't even make time for me on my birthday? Whatever.

In other news (again), here's what I was doing a year ago... It's SO not funny considering what was really going on at the time.. I was SO STUPID and it makes me mad at my former self. Stupid 22 year old!

"So BB and I have something new to talk about: our boyfriends and girlfriends. Yes, indeed. For example, I didn't get to go to the football game on Thursday, so I'll be like, "So, did your other girlfriend have fun at the football game on Thursday?" It's joking around about a not very funny situation, but we seem to be amused by it. My boyfriend is 17 and a rock star. Tonight he's in Austin opening for Hoobastank. His girlfriend is 25, a more experienced woman. I think it's funny. It gives us something to talk about, anyway."

What was Liz doing 2 years ago?

"I mean.. come on. I know I mentioned this somewhere before.. but they have flying ducks! And little triangular monsters! And Luigi, how can I forget Luigi? It always disturbs me that when I'm Fireman Mario, and get hit by a duck or something, I return to just being little Mario instead of bigger Mario. And wow.. there's a whole level that's GRAY! And.. the Hammer Brothers! Who try their little turtle hardest to not let you pass, with their flying hammers and mean demeanor. How can you not be addicted?"