My question today is, what is it about me that makes all the men in my life store up so much frustration when it comes to me that at a certain point, they explode and start punching things and yell so much that spit comes flying out of their mouths? This has happened with my dad frequently, with Matt frequently, and now with my brother.

Apparently my brother has been storing up so much dismay, frustration, disgust, and dissaproval of me that it all came pouring out today and it wasn't pretty. It made me feel like shit, actually. Like a selfish little bitch mostly. I am selfish. That's probably one of my biggest problems. The fact that I've been given so much that I always expect to be given more is a big problem in my life, one that I sorta kinda need to look into changing.

Anyway. That's all behind us now. My brother and I are cool. I didn't write an entry when this first happened because it would have been the exact same "woe is me" crappola that we've all come to know and expect in my case. And that's boring. But I had a breakdown today. A breakdown in the same caliber as the one I had in the early Austin months. Not fun. But tomorrow I get to go to the psychiatrist and that's fun times.

In good news, I have an interview as a staff writer for some kind of educational agency on Wednesday. And also, this little tiny paper in Austin is hiring for writers for the fall and they want to interview with me, too. I've never had an interview in my actual field before. It should be a new and fascinating experience.. I'm excited.

But instead of leaving for Dallas on Tuesday night, I'm now leaving on Wednesday. That makes me sad. But it's for a good reason, that being the interview, so yay for that. And Matt was cool about it and when I told him I was having a low self esteem day, he said that I need to hurry up and come over so he can give me some high esteem. I want more than esteem from him, yall catch my drift?

Anyway. That was my day. I meant to go fill out some fun retail apps, but instead after I had that fun time with my brother, I went home and took a nap and then made some fajitas in my underwear. I mean, I was wearing underwear while I made the fajitas. Then I worked out and sweated like a total pig. Hey, good times.

I miss my Mattiebear.

*****

What was Liz doing 2 years ago?

"This got me fantasizing hardcore. Matchmaker (www.matchmaker.com, I'm too lazy to make it a link right now) is what really first got me into chatting. It was a local BBS before it became the mega web site it is now, and I'd go to the Teen matchmaker and talk to all the people I knew. When I first logged on, I didn't know anyone. 2 years later, I had met over 80 people, lost my virginity, made some best friends, dated 4 or 5 guys, and just had lots of fun and at the same time, got really depressed. Most of these people are out of my life right now, but it would be so scary if every single one of them went on a cruise together. I'd have to see Psycho Boy, first of all, and he'd probably be talking to Friend Girl, who he dated before me, and she'd probably be hanging out with Doofus boy (who I did have sex with, once, and it sucked, and we broke up a week later and never looked back, but we were both rebounds for each other, blah blah blah), and that would just be scary.

Actually, at one point, all three of these people did hang out once. It was a horrifying thought to me, and I told Dorkus Boy that I should give all them shirts that said "We all did MyMichele and all we got was this lousy T-shirt." I mean, just imagine, the only two people you've had sex with, plus one chick you did naughty things one night, consorting with each other?"