I've tried to write this entry twice now, but in an effort to at least try and do shorter entries, I'm going to try again.

A year ago today I finally got a new job after being unemployed for almost 3 months. I am jealous of myself because at the time, I was finally working on all 3 of the things that I have trouble with: job, friends, weight. There's hardly any points in my life where I have all three in check, and for 2 and a half months, I had all of those at the same time.

I wasn't good at the job, we all know that. I still struggled with my weight. I still had trouble picking up the phone and calling my friends to hang out with them. But, I was doing well. I was getting things on track. I was finally allowing myself to slowly loosen the grip that Matt had on me, until a month later in which we got back together. I worked out 2 hours a day before I got a job and I took the weekend to lie out in the sun to get a tan, so I looked good.

I hate being jealous of myself for finally getting it together for a few months and then losing it yet again. I want THAT back, whatever it was that I had then. I had SOMETHING, and I lost it again. I had IT. And now it's gone again. I miss it. I miss that feeling I had when Matt came to Austin to visit me for the first time and was really impressed with all that I managed to carve out for myself. I miss being proud of myself.

It's going to be a long summer, with Matt going on countless road trips just because he can, with my roomate spending copious amounts of time with her boyfriend just because SHE can, and I just have to prepare myself for that. I don't know how, but I have to. I want to be proud of myself.

I have more to say, but that seems to summarize it well.

Okay then.

In other news, ClearChannel is ruining radio and I hope they die a slow painful death. I am now okay with the fact that one of my favorite radio stations is gone now. But the fact that ClearChannel assaulted us with this, that they told nobody and they fired all the DJ's the DAY IT HAPPENED really fucking makes me mad. They are ruining radio with their corporate bullshit! They are just about the bottom line, the profit, and they have no concept of what people want. I fucking hate Clear Channel.

That is all.

*****

2 years ago...

"And there was a time. From November 2000 to February 2001, he was committed. It was nice. But in February, he met that chick. That fucking perfect chick. "Oh, we're just friends." Yeah. Until she dumps her boyfriend of 6 years and starts looking for someone to take his place."