I don't know why today is any different from any other days, but it's just so painful. I don't feel like I have what it takes to make it on my own. I've been here for a month and a half and I'm still no closer to finding a job. I can't get over Matt. I can't get over him. I can't.

I keep thinking about how he was my best friend, he was everything to me, and he rejected me. He didn't like who I was, and when your best friend doesn't even like who are, what can I do?

I can't make it on my own. I can't get a job, I can't get over my ex boyfriend, I can't do anything right. I can't even fucking stop crying for 5 minutes.

I'm even crying out to God, I'm asking him to help me, I'm asking him to take me and help me and let me forgive myself for not being good enough to make it with my best fucking friend.

I'm hurting so much.. I'm so fucking depressed and I don't know how to get over it. I don't know what to do. I can't fucking stop crying, I love him so much. I miss him so much.

I hope this is the turning point that makes me see what's going on. I hope all this crying at least accomplishes something, something to show me rock bottom, to show me that I have to move on or I'm just going to fucking wither.

I hate myself, and I hate my life, and I hate Matt. I hate him for doing this to me. I hate him so much.