baby maybe someday
September 01, 2003 The story of Matt.

So, here we are at Labor Day. 6 years ago, I went to my friend Angie's house to meet this guy I had been hearing so much about online. I knew he was an asshole, but I didn't think he would be so hardcore in person. When I was running away from the house crying about 4 minutes after meeting him, I admitted that I was wrong.

Matt had a gimmick. The first 16 years of his life were not kind to him. He lived in a trailer, he was quite overweight, he didn't feel connected to his mom because he was adopted, and he never really knew his adopted dad. He was also very, very very smart, and he skipped a few grades to make this point. He didn't have a whole lot of people to connect with. That is, until he found the online world.

His gimmick was to be an asshole. To be one of those guys who, after talking to you for maybe 15 to 20 minutes online, got what you were about and fully exploited it to the limit. Sometimes he had people leaving in a fury, and they never wanted to talk to him again. But a lot of the time people would be so intriuged by him and his blatant honesty that they would keep coming back for more. I was one of those people.

I tried to deny it for a while. He was courting me for some reason.. he saw something in me when we first got together, something he still sees but it is still invisible to me. I was cute back then, but not gorgoues. I was still recovering from the Josh situation, so I had that baggage with me. Why Matt liked me when there were so many other girls to choose from, I don't know.

We met a few times before I actually started to like him. There was the first time at Angie's house. There was the high school football game that really wasn't meant to meet him, but his friend Cam. My friend Jenny and I wanted to meet Cam, and he spent most of the night staring at my boobs. He even admitted such a few days later. Unfortunately, Cam died in a strange drunk driving accident a year or so later. Matt really never talks about this, but Cam was his best friend. It was not a good time in his life.

Anyway. I was trying to date Scott again at this point, and again, it wasn't really working. We made out a few times, but I couldn't get into it. When he was copping feels, I was all like, "Oh dear God, Scott is copping a feel!" He asked me to Homecoming, but after a while it became apparent that he just didn't like me anymore. Later, he said it was because I was "too loud." And I probably was, but that's neither here nor there.

One night, after working at the movie theater, I rear ended a truck because I wasn't paying attention. My car had like.. $3000 worth of damage just by rear ending the stupid thing. So I was out of comission for a while. But the day came that I had to get my senior yearbook pictures done, and I had to go to the bank, and I had to do a lot of other stuff, but I didn't have a car. For some reason, I asked Matt to help me with this task. I still don't know why. Maybe because he was mysterious. Maybe because I knew he was going to tell me the truth about my life, and that's what I wanted. I wanted truth.

We hung out all day, the two of us. And I learned a lot about him. Like he held the door open for me. Assholes don't do that, do they? And I think I really caught on to the fact that I was going to like this guy, that he wasn't so much of an asshole, that it was all a game really, was when he would smile at random people and say "Hi there, how ya doing!" It was just a nice gesture, very unassholeish. And it just grew from there.

I was not a popular person for the decision I made. Most people couldn't see past his assholeness to who he really was, and I could. I remember there was one day where like.. everyone stopped talking to me because they didn't approve of the fact that I liked him and wanted him to be in my life. He's a controversial person, and maybe that's part of the appeal.

Maybe that's why I used to play Jann Arden's "Insensitive" all the time, because of the line "I was one of the chosen few who went ahead and fell for you," cuz yeah. I just relate to that.

I was watching the total greatness of Good Will Hunting last night and there's this part where Robin Williams asks Will if he has a soulmate. Matt and I saw this movie together at the theater where I worked, and this part got to both of us, I think. Robin says, "Do you have a soulmate?" And Will is like, "Define that." And Robin says, "Someone you challenges you. Someone who reaches out and touches your soul. Someone you can relate to." And that hit home for me. For almost a year after we saw that movie, I tried so hard to challenge him. I did everything I could to reach out and touch his soul, until it occured to me that I can't do that, not knowingly anyway. It's not something that can be forced. It's something that's just there.

He challenges me. He challenges me on a daily basis. He's challenging me right now at this moment because we're talking about my future and that usually gives me tired head. He has always opened up doors for me. Now me opening doors for him.. that's not so much. And that's always been a problem, something that I have always seeked to improve upon.

I was not always attracted to him. He was a big guy at first, and yes, he had a mullet. And that was a turn off for a while, I admit it. I remember having a conversation with Scott about how I just wasn't attracted to Matt and how that was beginning to be a problem. But now.. he has total confidence in his appereance and I am truly and totally attracted to the guy. Not to mention the fact that the orgasms are good and a plenty.

The virgin thing was never that big of a problem. I figured that sex had brought me nothing but problems anyway, so who really cares. Plus, the added benefit of not worrying about condoms and getting pregnant and STDs and all that stuff was a nice bonus. Plus, I was the first person to ever give him an orgasm. Out of all the girls that had tried, and there was many, I was the one to first give him one. Not that it was easy. It took hours sometimes in the beginning. Now, for both of us combined, it could take about 5 minutes if we're really in a hurry.

He loves high school football. He graduated from college with a 4.0 and got a full scholarship to go to graduate school. He has 4 different jobs, most of which do not involve him getting up out of his chair. He has long curly brown hair that he has vowed never to cut out of loyalty to his all time favorite wrestler, Ric Flair. He has the most beautiful blue eyes you've ever seen. He loves going on road trips. He loves seeing places he's never seen before. He loves me because I'm a nurturer and he thinks I would be a good mom. (That's not the only reason why, but yeah.) He has an awesome truck and a really cute puppy. He loves his roommate's 7 year old daughter and she loves him. He pays bills months ahead of time so that he can get it over with. He maps out entire road trips and knows exactly where to go, how long it will take to get there, what hotel we're going to, and what we're going to do when we get there, and what king sized bed we'll do it on. He's very passionate about the things he loves, and he's very passionate about me. I could gain another 30 pounds and he'd probably still think I was beautiful. Well, maybe not. He's also fiercely loyal. Most of his friends are people that have been in his life forever. And he sees people for not only who they are, but what they were meant to be.

The point is that he's an amazing person. He's overcome so many things, and I respect that about him. I respect the fact that he grew up with none of the luxuries that I had, yet he's the one who has the house in Plano with the nice car and the puppy and everything else and I'm the one still borrowing money from my dad to pay the rent.

Yes, there was 8 months in there that I really don't want to talk about right now. That's over now. We're in a new era of our relationship, and our past is behind us.

So that's Matt. 6 years ago today, he sent me crying from Angie's house because he made some kind of crack about how I had sex with James. It was mean spirited, but true, and that's what reeled me in. When I was still upset about Josh and kinda did the whole "woe is me" act around him, he took me into a bathroom at Me and Ed's Pizza and told me to get over it, because I was better than that, I was too good to let something like Josh infect me and ruin me.

I've been writing this for an hour and a half. I think I'm finished now.

*****

Me: Can I ask you an extremely stupid question?

Matt: Sure.. I'm not beaten down yet.. :)

Me: Okay, I'm writing in my happy times diary about when we first met, it being Labor Day and such.

Matt: Right..

Matt: And Charlie's birthday.

Me: And I am wondering.. why did you pick me out of all the other girls you were intimidating? Like.. I was some weirdo chick in a cammo shirt, what did you like about me?

Me: I know that's a self-esteem type of question, but I'm just curious.

Matt: Well, obviously the things I liked about you then aren't exactly the same things I like about you now, per se..

Matt: You really seemed like a nurturer..

Matt: I wanted a girl who'd take care of me.. and at the time you seemed like yo uwere all about taking care of the boy.

Matt: You were really smart..

Matt: You were a challenge.

Matt: You were absolutely gorgeous.. you had a sexiness about you that still lures me in.

Me: I wasn't that much of a challenge :)

Matt: yes you were!

Matt: You were one of the Matchmaker popular chicks.

Matt: Procuring and obtaining the popular matchmaker chick was a challenge!

Me: Tee hee. :)

Matt: I mean, that's a lot of it. There were some little things as well.. I liked your passions, I liked your ideals, your goals.



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