I mean.. what else can I do? I'm not crying about it. I'm a little upset, a little dissapointed, but I brought this on myself. I knew he was going to be busy, I knew that I shouldn't just assume that because I drive 200 miles, he has to drop everything to hang out with me. I knew that, but I insisted on getting my hopes up anyway.

This has to stop.. I can't do this to myself anymore. 6 months of driving myself crazy, making myself sick over this one boy. This one boy who I once had a really cool relationship with, but now it's over, and he's moved on. I refused to see it for a long time.. but I have to now. He has moved on, and I need to do the same.

I still have 3 months (because my lease runs out in August, and I'm moving back to Dallas because I miss it and it's where I want my career and family and future to be, just so we're all updated on that) in Austin. I can do something with 3 months. I can turn it around in 3 months, but it's going to take work. I can't do the same thing I've been doing before.. waking up as late as possible, eating bad stuff, and especially obsessing over Matt's whereabouts. I can't do that. I have to turn this around. I don't want to look back on Austin like I do my college career.. I want to be proud of what I did there.

I'm not really surprised that he didn't call me. I wanted it too much, that's why. If I just relaxed and let it happen the way it was meant to happen, then maybe someday, it'll happen. But maybe not.

I just can't cry over this anymore. It's not getting anything accomplished. Maybe if I let a few weeks, a few months go by, he'll be interested in what I'm doing again. He'll make an effort to see me, to want to know what I'm up to. But right now he has his own thing, and I need to get out of it.

I have more to say, but I'd rather write it in my paper diary. Things seem more permanent there for some reason.

Peace out.