baby maybe someday
October 28, 2003 I'm not Austin cool.

Oh lordy.. the West Wing killed off Mrs. Landingham! That was just not very nice! *sigh*

So yesterday was kinda the grand opening of the new store. It was invitation only - the owner and all his friends and crap. It was kinda cool. Every single person who works there was there last night, so it was a bit crowded. I only got to make about 3 burritos before I was relocated to door duty, which was fine with me.

Earlier in the day, I got to clean. I spent 2 hours cleaning the tables outside because it rained on Sunday night and made everything all rainy-looking. Then, I got to clean the outside of the dumpster. Yes, that's right. Dumpster duty. How cool am I? Three different people walked by and said, "You have to clean the DUMPSTER?" Yes. I have to clean the dumpster. I don't question it, I just do as I'm told.

And you know what? I'm almost glad that I had to clean the dumpster. It feels good. It feels like I'm doing something productive. It feels like karma is paying me back for the shit I did in college (mainly doing nothing in college, that is), and I'm taking it like a man. It's very humbling. It's great, actually. I love being relegated to the tasks nobody else wants to do. I almost feel like I deserve it.

I like my job. I like it as long as I don't have to work there past January, that is. But since I'm probably going to Vegas in January, my last day will probably be December 23rd or so.

Last night, like I said, everyone who works at the store was there. Most people would take this opportunity to get to know their fellow co-workers, and most people did, but as usual, I just kinda stood there looking retarded. I'm not worried about it anymore, though. My new motto is "Whatever, I'm leaving in 3 months anyway." Which is a stupid motto, but its true. I know I don't make friends easily. I know it, and I accept it.

Something I've noticed about the people who work here.. they're a certain kind of cool. That's right, they're "Austin cool." Austin cool is a certain kind of apathy that people around you know that you're a total pothead slacker. In Dallas you would go to great lengths to disguise that fact. In Austin, you flaunt it.

People are just cool here, and I'm not that kind of cool. The "Let's all play hackeysack and then sit on the front porch and smoke a joint until 4 am " kind of cool. I used to consider myself cool. When I was 12, I was the epitome of cool. I'd wear my brother's Cure shirt with shorts, hose underneath the shorts, and boots. That was cool! People didn't understand how cool I was, therefore I was "outsider cool". Still, I don't think I'll ever obtain "Austin cool." Because I'm just not cool enough.

If that made any sense at all, I'd be surprised.

Matt asked last night, if I was so happy here, why don't I just stay here? First of all, that's a lovely thing you want your potential mate to say. "Hey, stay there! Don't worry about me!" But I mean.. I have designed this whole year-long excursion to last a year. I want to go back to Dallas. Everything I do here is in the knowledge that I will go back to Dallas. I don't want to stay here. It's a place of transition for me.

And yes, okay, I admit. Part of the reason why I want to come back is because of Matt. If we're going to do this, I want to do it. If it doesn't work out, great, let me move on with my life now. If I stay for 6 extra months, that'll be 6 months extra to delay getting on with it. I just want to know. I want to know if we can work this out and have a fun wedding so that I can de-virginize him on the wedding night. I want to do that. And I don't want to delay it 6 months.

Anyway. I work tonight from 5 to close. That's a long time. But good money. We're in a really good location, right in the middle of all the huge office buildings that are all brand spanking new and high tech. They give tips. I like tips. And regardless.. whenever I'm working and I get bored or annoyed or what not, I just think, "It'll all be worth it for that week in Vegas." I mean, how can things go bad when you're in Vegas?

Don't answer that.



back & forth random
recently...

So be it! My last entry ever. - November 16, 2004
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