The job interview was for an "office administrator" and yeah.. I don't want to get caught in that trap. I don't want to be a fucking "administrative assistant" for the rest of my fucking life, so I just cancelled the interview instead of going. I'm tired of this. I know we all know that, but like.. I just want a job. I want this to be over with. I have a plan that includes the following:

Get THE job, a job that actually allows me to use my talent, my education, and my experience, and while I do that, write my award winning novel. Once I sell that and get some money, I'm gonna go to graduate school and get a masters in something in which I can be really good at.

That is my plan, but I JUST HAVE TO GET THE JOB FIRST! Tomorrow I have a data entry interview.. if they offer me the job, I'm going to take it. It's not THE JOB that caters to my plan, but I can't work for my dad anymore. It was supposed to be 3 months, and that's turned into 6 months. A really sad thing is that my phone on my desk has decided not to work, and so for the past 3 days, I haven't even been able to answer the phone! Without even being able to answer the phone, I'm just kind of a cute little office ornament. Like, maybe a nice little plant. Great.

Anyway. We all know about my fun job frustration, so I'll shut up now.

My nap was good, though.

*****

On a completely different tangent, I just wanted to talk about Matt a little here. Shocking!

I've really been trying to scale it down for the past couple of weeks. Like, last night I messaged him before I went to bed and he said that he missed me, a couple of times. I didn't say I missed him back, I just basically said "Awww..." and stuff like that. Just a few minutes ago he messaged me about nothing really important, like maybe he just wanted to talk to me or what not. He does tend to respond to the whole "hard to get" thing when I do decide to put it out there.

I don't know.. I've only been thinking about giving up because that's kinda been the vibes he's been giving out, but he still calls me sometimes and he still says he misses me and occasionally we even see each other. I wouldn't give up if I thought there was anything left, and well, there just might be. But for now, I'm not initiating conversation, I'm not being myself and saying stuff like "I miss you, I wanna see you!", I'm not sending emails, I'm just not doing stuff. And I think in the end, that might work better than anything else I've done. But, whatever.

*****

I joined the CSI forum at Television Without Pity. I haven't really participated in a forum since my Bust days, and that was way a long time ago. So, I feel all squishy inside.

Also, my little "obsession" has been going on for more than a month now. That's really kinda weird.. most of them only last for 2 weeks or so. But it's still going strong... I ordered the first season on Ebay and I'm eagerly anticipating its arrival. I think what this all means is that I'm just a big fucking dork. And you know what? I'm okay with that.

I still hope that at least Jorja Fox will come back to CSI. That whole Grissom/Sara thing needs to be resolved, or I will cry.

And:

I mean.. wow. Just.. wow. Hotttt.

And that is all.

*****

One year ago..

"Parting this morning was a little dramatic, though. We had just gotten finished watching that special on VH-1 about series finales on TV, so it felt like we were saying goodbye forever. It was really quite strange, actually."

2 years...

"BB keeps accusing me of being bitter and angry. And I am, really. The past couple of months, I've had dreams where all I'm doing is yelling at people and/or beating them up. And it's usually people I know. Like last night it was Old Friend. A few weeks ago it was even my dad. I don't know why I'm so bitter and angry with everything in this world, but I need to get over it."

3 years ago...

"I know he wasn't doing that. Because Angel boy has a knack for coming into my life only when I need him the most. And I knew he was calling me so I could have something to look forward to. So I could understand that even when things change, he'd always remember me, and that his feelings towards me are the same they've always been."