baby maybe someday
November 08, 2003 Nobody wants burritos, fun toilets, and out of denial

I just deleted my last entry for some reason. I didn't really mean to do that.

This layout kinda matches the way I feel about this diary lately, though.

A couple of things:

1. I love my new Live Coldplay CD. It's really purty. "Politik" is still one of the greatest songs of all time, and it's even better live. Yay Coldplay! Make trade fair.

2. I worked all day yesterday, pretty much. It was kinda cool. But right now I'm really worrying about the future of our store, and really, the future of my employment.

Our manager had to cut back on everyone's hours this week.. I work on Monday, but then I'm off until fucking Saturday! How crazy is that? It bothers me, because you know.. I like money. I like working, even. I like the people who work there. I'm not terrified of going to this job. It's pretty close to my apartment. I like the area its in.. it's about 5 minutes from Barnes and Noble, which I'm a big fan of.

But nobody is coming to get burritos in this area! Maybe someone really misjudged burrito taste in rich neighborhoods, because nobody is coming.

I got to work today at 12, and before I could even clock in, the shift manager is all "We have too many people working today, you can leave if you want to!" I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay and make money! But then I felt bad because there really was too many people there, and a lot of the people there don't get nearly as many hours as I do, so I was taking one for the team.

There's nothing quite like being made to feel guilty for wanting to stay and work.

Anyway, come get a burrito and make us feel better. Help me keep my job, Austin D-Landers! Take one for the team!

(It's on BeeCaves, a little past Mopac, for those of you who care. It's in a new shopping center with Seattle's Best Coffee and a new deli place. Come. You know you want to.)

3. I love this template.

4. Me and Nano need to spend some serious time together today. I'm only on 11,000 words and I feel quite behind. I need to write, damnit. I'm just not feeling the love. I'm not feeling the story. But it's one that's been on my mind for a while, so once I get into a groove, it should get a little easier. That's what I'm counting on, anyway.

5. I think I must be the most boring person ever.

Everyone around me keeps talking about the parties they go to and how drunk they get and how hungover they are. Joey told me that last week, on Halloween, somebody called him at 5 am and invited him to a party, so he got out of bed and went to a party until 8 am. To me, that's so hardcore that I'm not even sure there's a word for how hardcore that is.

Last night I got off work around 8:00, went to Barnes and Noble for an hour and then went home and watched Finding Nemo. To me, that was a pretty fun night! Tonight I'm going to see Love Actually, maybe go to B&N again (it's an addiction!), come back and write a little more, and then go to bed so I can go to work at 11 tomorrow just to be told to leave again a few minutes later.

Woohoo, people. Woohoo.

6. Today the one year anniversary of me not being in denial anymore. I started writing in my depression diary (it's passworded, so I'm not really sure why I just linked it) again. It's also the anniversary of me having the first of my really fun breakdowns. This one was so much fun that it attracted the attention of my neighbor, who came to check on me to see if I rocking back and forth much like Demi Moore in St. Elmo's Fire. It was brought on by the fact that Matt was denying me of closure nookie, something I really didn't appreciate it. Up to that point, I never realized how much I relied on seducing him out of the bad times of our relationship. It was a hard, and quite crappy, lesson to learn.

Ahhh, where did the time go?

Here's a quote from that first entry:

"I think it's pretty much over now. And the thing is, I'm less depressed about it than I thought I would be. I'm pretty sure that's because there's only a month left of school and then I go to Austin, so I don't have years of nothing to do on the weekends ahead of me. This is probably the bestest time it could ever possibly happen."

I'm going to make myself write now. Peruse what I've done so far if you wish. It's bad, but maybe you'll enjoy it for the pure cheesieness.

*****

a year ago...

"So, last night.. the bottom fell out. BB pissed me off so much that I could literally not stop crying. To tell you how bad the crying got, the RA for my floor knocked on my door and asked me if I was okay. I know I wasn't loud enough to resonate 6 rooms down the way, so my suitemate must have gotten up, gone to the RA's room, and told her I was in my room crying. How uncool is that? Can a girl not cry in peace anymore? Then I went outside to cry, and this dude walking by was like "Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?" I'm like "NO! I JUST WANT TO CRY IN PEACE!" Friggin people."

2 years ago...

"One thing I noticed: After the study, I was talking to Diet Friend, and we were talking about diets. I noticed that Diet Friend really likes to get right in my comfort bubble, like right in my face. That should be okay, since we're friends and such, but I just feel like I should take two steps back or something. Then I feel bad for feeling that, since we're good friends and she has every right to be in my comfort bubble. Doesn't she?"



back & forth random
recently...

So be it! My last entry ever. - November 16, 2004
701 - October 17, 2004
Buh bye: An Austinliz thesis - October 03, 2004
war of the roses - October 01, 2004
fucking debate! - September 30, 2004