So, Nano. I've been slacking, so I decided to pick up the pace today. I wrote a good (well, really bad) 6,000 words today. That's a whole lot of words! That brings me up to 44,000, which is a respectable number. However, I still have a whole lot left to write and only 6,000 words left in which to write them! That's no good.

And I panicked today. I was supposed to kill off 3 major characters, but I couldn't. I just couldn't do it! Killing them made me get goosebumps and it freaked me out to think about it, so they all got to live. I claimed that it was "the power of Cyra" that kept them alive. I'm a dork.

To prove how much of a dork I am, let me share my newest amusement: Whenever I read a new D-land diary, I have to go look at their rings. If they have one of the bajillion rings I've created, I feel so cool. I feel like I've made an impact on D-land or something. Which is totally sad and retarded, but what can you do sometimes?

On a completely different note, I admire those of you who actually have different seasons. Here in Texas, we just have different temperatures from day to day. Yesterday it was close to 80, today it was cut in half to the lovely 40 degrees. I had to wear a coat!

I hate when we have no warning for the cold weather. I knew it was coming eventually, but as Emeril says, BAM! My boobs are about to freeze off. Wowee.

Anyway. I just played Triple Yahtzee during the course of this entry, and I got a record setting FIVE yahtzees during the course of the game. Final score: 2190. That just doesn't happen. I'm impressed.

I'm heading off to the magical world of Dallas for Thanksgiving tomorrow. It'll be the third time in a month that I'm doing such a thing, but I guess that's what you do in long distance relationships. I'm probably not going to see Matt this time, though, because he has a lot of school work that he has typically procrastinated on. That's cool. I've seen him 3 times since my birthday a month and a half ago, and that's okay with me.

I'm a little worried about Nano, though. But I can always pull a crazy all nighter on Saturday night and Sunday afternoon if I really have to. I'm hardcore, I can do it.

I apologize for the boringosity of this entry, but when one writes 6,000 words of a novel in 4 hours, one does not have much brain power anymore.

The quote from last year's entry on this date is a powerful one. I remember writing it. I remember going to church with Natalie and just crying through the whole service because I just couldn't stop. This is really when the break up started to sink in, and it wasn't pretty.

It's entries like those that make me see how, even though it sucked to be in pain like that, it's also really beautiful. I mean.. you can't really live your life without knowing what true pain feels like, because then you won't know what beauty is because you haven't felt the pain. That makes sense, right?

It just hurt so bad last year. Someone commented once that the entries where I'm lamenting about my pain are the best entries I've ever done. It's true. That's where you get the raw me, the down in the dirt gritty version of me. It's good stuff. I'm just glad I don't have to be there anymore.

I want to talk about that more, but not at this time. I gotta go to bed so I can go see my mommy tommorow. And I get to see the new Barnes and Noble in Denton! That shouldn't excite me, yet it does!

I'm out like a lesbian on Thanksgiving.

*****

What was Liz doing a year ago?

"I just don't understand how he can just completely cut me off with no problem. I realize he's dealing with his emotional issues in a different way. He's not crying. He's doing other things to figure it all out. But I don't realize how he can just cut it off. Just say "That's the way the cookie crumbles." That was an actual quote from our conversation today. "That's the way the cookie crumbles."

I don't get it. All I know is that someday, when I finally move on with my life, I will never let someone make me feel this way again. I will never wrap myself up so completely in anyone else that when it's over, I realize that I have nothing left. I gave myself over to this person so much that I have nothing left.

What am I going to do now? I don't know how to deal with these feelings. When we've had fights before, at least I knew he'd get over it in a day or two. Now I know he's not getting over it, and I'm leaving soon, and there's no way to avoid that. What am I supposed to do with myself? I just.. I just can't comprehend this. It just hurts way too fucking bad."

2 years ago..

"Dude, I saw this picture of Coreys Haim and Feldmen in EW Weekly, and wow. Corey Feldmen still looks like a doofus but Corey Haim sure did go and get hit by the hot stick! He was one good looking boy, let me tell you. Seriously, go check it out, he's a hottie."