baby maybe someday
August 28, 2004 Farm Guy, tree pride, and pole vaulting.

OMG! How much do I love this "Totally Obsessed" show on VH1! I have finally found people that are crazier than me! They showed a little preview of a chick who's obsessed with CSI. It's not me, though. Although I am. Really.

Speaking of CSI obsession, Spike TV is going to do a "Best of CSI" marathon on Labor Day! I haven't been so excited about TV since the West Wing Marathon on Thanksgiving! *Drool*

I am at the farm. I usually leave early on Saturday when I spend the night here, because it does have a tendency to get boring. It rained today, so we really didn't do much of anything.

As for the Farm Guy situation, Operation Not Bossman's Daughter really isn't getting anywhere, not this weekend anyway. Although last night he did introduce me to someone as "Elizabeth" and just left it at that, but that person was all confused and thought I was just a family friend and not like, a family member. And man! I almost got to go to dinner with him by myself (and my stepbrother, but he's 5 and doesn't count), but then my dad and Donna insisted on going too. Damnit! They ruined my date.

I kinda came up here with the attitude that I was over that whole thing, but well.. I'm not. If anything, I've gotten myself deeper into it by discovering that:

a. He has beautiful blue eyes.
b. He is the kind of person who actually learns from his mistakes and then moves on with his life.
c. He's awesome with kids.
d. He looks really hot on a four wheeler.
e. He's very handy.


I would love to just hang out with him one day and talk bullshit all day long. I want to see the side of him that one of my co-workers claims he's seen when they have hung out in the past.. the cussing, crazy rugged guy.

I actually confessed this crush to Donna and she admitted that if she didn't have my dad, she'd want a little piece of him too. But then (and she was a little tipsy at the time) she said, "He likes thin girls, that's very important to him, so lose weight."

Okay then. Thanks for the tip.

Anyway. This will continue.

Or maybe I've just been writing too much "unrequited love" fanfic lately and the idea of pining for someone quietly for years and years is appealing to me for some reason. Whatever.

Speaking of fanfic, I seem to have.. WRITERS BLOCK! I wrote another chapter to the story I've been working on yesterday and it really kinda sucked. It's like all the stuff I've been writing for 2 weeks sucked all the creativity out of my brain. But as soon as I finish this I'm going to try again tonight. We'll see!

Everyone who is a fan of Guns N Roses must absolutely go here and download the piano version of November Rain. It is absolutely the most incredible version of November Rain that I've ever heard. Ever. Heard. I listened to it like 5 times in a row last night. Incredible.

On another tangent, I noticed something today. My dad and I took a little tour of the farm and he pointed out all this stuff he's proud of. An example is all the damn trees he's planted. He's all, "And this is this tree that we planted at this time, and this is another tree that we planted because of this," and while I really couldn't give a flying fuck about the damn trees, it made me realize something.

He's proud of his trees and frequently goes to visit them and ogle him. That is his thing. My thing is writing, and as such, I love going back to visit my old work. I'm proud of the stuff I've written and I am always going back to look at it. I can't tell you how often I press the random link on my diary to see what I wrote in the past. I do it all the time. I know some people don't, but I do it so often that I have some entries practically memorized. I realize that's dorky, but I'm proud of it. It's who I am, and I want to see it whenever I want. That's why I do the whole "a year ago" thing in every entry.. because I'm proud of what I've written and I don't want it to be forgotten just because it was three years ago. Right? Okay then.

So, the moral of the story.. my dad is proud of his trees and wants to look at them often. I am proud of my writing and want to look at it often. Basically: Whatever blows your skirt up.

It was so beautiful this morning because of a thunderstorm that rolled in. It made me all kinds of happy. And when I was outside enjoying the rain, I kept thinking how different my life is than it was 2 years ago. Seriously.. it's like 89% different. I still have the same issues, but I mean.. 2 years ago I was going to high school football games every Friday night, terrified of what would happen if I didn't get to go to the big game with Matt. Now.. I pretty much know that I'm not going to be talking to him much in the next couple of months, and I'm okay with that. I need to find some places to volunteer, I need to get more active at church, and I need to work on my issues. I know that. It's cool.

But my point is.. 2 years ago I had no idea what was about to hit me. I was still in school, 22 years old, and I thought once I graduated everything was going to be the same. In some ways I'm really quite grateful that Matt had some kind of forethought to end this pattern before it got ten times worse. But on the other, he did it in such a crappy and deceiving way that I'm not THAT grateful. But, you know.

I just like to think about stuff like that sometimes. For 4.5 years my life was completely the same, and nothing was ever different until I was challenged. And that was good.

Also 2 years ago, I used to look at my future stepbrother like he was some kind of alien that I would only approach when my dad made me. But now I kinda love the little guy. He's cute. We have our own little relationship going on, one where I can call him Buttface and it's completely acceptable. Ahhh, stepbrothers that are 20 years younger than me RULE!

Wednesday is my Charlie's 5th birthday. That's a milestone! My baby is growing up.

My boss did some kind of numerology thing for me yesterday, and it was kind of eerie how right on target it was for me. When I get back I'm going to share some of it because it's just so completely true. I know you're all anticipating that with great force.

I have really been interested in the olympics this year. The things that these people can do with their bodies is fascinating to me. Have you seen those people row? My arms hurt just watching it. I'm also in total love with some American pole vaulter guy. He has long hair and I want to marry him.

I really do try to write short entries, guys, but it just doesn't happen. I like to talk. A lot. But the good news is that all 150 of you don't really seem to mind. So, thanks.



a year ago..

"Ummmm. Britney and Madonna just totally made out. That was kinda cool. Hot, really. The 99% lesbian in me really kinda liked that."

2 years...

"I think BB is some genetically engineered superhuman sent to this earth to collect data on human beings. I mean, he was adopted, so we don't really know who gave birth to him, right?! Supposedly it was some 13-year-old chick, but I have issues believing that story. I think he's kinda like Jim Carrey in the Truman Show. He's a genetic super freak. And someday I will get to the bottom of this controversy. Just you watch.

3 years..

"I'm such a feminist. My mom and I tried to get my TV down the stairs, but it didn't work very well, so I said fuck this and I went downstairs to the office and got a guy to do it for me. Hey! It's a heavy TV, damnit! Why struggle to carry it when you can just get a guy to do it? Ahh, the joys of womanhood."

back & forth random

So be it! My last entry ever. - November 16, 2004
701 - October 17, 2004
Buh bye: An Austinliz thesis - October 03, 2004
war of the roses - October 01, 2004
fucking debate! - September 30, 2004