baby maybe someday | ||||
I have tired-head from my Monday morning job-search bonanza that I always participate in, so here's a lot of quick hits: 1. I don't understand for the life of me why Gywneth Paltrow would name her child Apple. I just don't get it. It's a fruit. That you eat. NOT A CHILD! 2. I went swimming for the first time this year last night. I love that first swim because it reminds me how much I love to swim. Swimming rocks. 3. Al the puppy tried to participate in the swimming activities, but he just wasn't into it. I mean, he can swim, because he's a retreiver and that's what they do. He just didn't want to. 4. The next two weeks are going to be busy with all the activities, such as my roomate and Matt's and my brother's birthdays, my brother's graduation in Austin on Friday, my dad's farm party next week. Rock. 5. I saw Troy this weekend. 3 hours of half-nekkid Brad Pitt is alright with me. He looked all Legends of the Fall-ish and that's my favorite look. Mmmm. 6. I saw a preview for Ocean's Twelve this weekend. It excited me in the pants, but we all have to wait until December for it to open. I also saw a preview for Fleet Street, the spin-off of the Practice with James Spader and William Shatner. That looks like fun! 7. I purchased tickets for a Velvet Revolver concert, the band with Scott Weiland from STP and Slash and Duff and Matt Sorum from old GN'R. I am actually really excited about that. I'm more excited that I'm such a loser that I only bought 1 ticket because I know nobody else in my life is going to want to come with me. That's cool. I'll just get me a rocker boy at the concert. 8. How to watch porn when your roomate and her boyfriend is in the very next room: very carefully. 9. I did not want to get out of bed this morning. 10. I want a horse. 11. I won $50 on a $5 scratch-off ticket. How I love the Texas Lottery. That is all. ***** "I took great pains to get the message inside right. I've been thinking about what to write for like.. 4 months, and I think I did okay with it. I messed up the first time, though, so I had to buy another card. Pathetic, yes. But we already knew that. On the first one, I told him I missed him, and also I added at the bottom, "Congratulations, you're now the oldest virgin in America." But when I thought it over, I didn't think that would be too nice. So that one's out." "And it's already Friday.. last Thursday I made the promise to myself that I would find a job this week no matter what it was, and I haven't. I still have no job. I still feel like a total loser. In 3 days, it will be 2 months that I've been looking for a job. Do you know how long and stupid that is? What is the fucking deal? Do I appeal to people like I'm a fucking criminal or something? Everyone on the planet has a job, why is it so fucking hard for me to find one?" "Okay, so remember how I was obsessing over my boyfriend earlier in the week? Well, let's just say that came crashing down today. I don't really want to get into it (much, anyway), but it just really sucks how sometimes you have these romanticized ideals about how things can be, and then even though you know that they aren't true, you still believe it because that is essientially what you are led to believe. But then it turns out that you were wrong, so desperetly wrong, and then you feel like an idiot because of course you were wrong! I mean, nothing has really changed and sometimes it's just pointless to start believing that things ever will change. Now I know why it's so dangerous to feel the way I did. I knew it was dumb at the time to be all obsessive, but I just lost myself in it for a few days. That always happens, and I just can't do it anymore. I love BB, and what really sucks is the very thing that drew me to him in the first place is the thing that always ends up driving me crazy and making me want to just hide in the corner and cry."
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