I just got a gold membership for my old diary because it still stores a whole bunch of pictures and crap, and because I really like that silly random feature.

So I thought it would be fun, once again, to do some random fun times up in here. Because I'm a dork like that. And I'm pretty sure it doesn't amuse anyone else quite like it does me, so when you really get down to it, this entry is just for me, which is really the whole point of a diary, right? Okay then.

January 17th, 2001 -

"The first week is almost over and already BB is pissed at me. He's used to having our weekends free, and now I usually have something else to do on weekends, and that's not good. Since we live an hour away, it's hard to just take off and see him at a moment's notice. This semester is really going to test us in a way we've never been tested, and that's a scary, scary thing."

October 15th, 2001 -

"I guess this is what college is about.. meeting new people and having new experiences. But I have no idea what to say to this girl. We've made small talk. And when I was watching You've Got Mail for the 100th time this week, she said, "Is that You've Got Mail?" I guess they watch alot of American movies over there in Korea. "

January 18th, 2003 -

"I hate it. I hate being here when Matt is in Dallas, probably making plans with his woman, probably cuddling with her and laughing with her and doing all kinds of crap with her. I tried to claim a moral victory for myself because when I talk to him, he tells me about her flaws instead of what he likes about her. He says she thinks of herself last, she's so busy, she barely has any time for him. She's in a choir and blah blah blah.. but last night in the middle of watching The Hours I realized something. The things that drives him crazy about her are probably the things he most loves about her, too. He also tells me "She has her shit together, she's about to get a PHD, she got dumped out of a 7 year relationship with the guy she lost her virginity to, and she has it worse than you."

Yeah, I get the point. She has her shit together after being dumped, I was dumped because I didn't have my shit together. And I shouldn't be claiming victories for something I have no control over. And I have to realize that even if their relationship isn't perfect, he's still willing to try to make it work. Of all the times I've said "But you're in love with her!" he never argued. He never once said "I'm not in love with her, I barely know her." They've been dating for 2 months, and he loves her, and that makes me crazy."

March 28th, 2002 -

"I am having good times at work. I think I worked really hard this week, and I'm bonding with the worker people. I printed a picture of Russell Crowe out and I put it on the wall, and I wrote "Hi, I'm Russell Crowe. I'm Elizabeth's husband!" People are getting giggles out of that."

August 29th, 2003 -

"Sidenote: I heard "Wind Beneath My Wings" at the gyno today, and I heard it at the gyno on Monday, too. Hopefully I won't hear it again the next time because than I'll have to equate Bette Midler with my vagina, and I really don't want to do that. "

June 25th, 2002 - (From the top 25 reasons why Jerry Maguire is the best movie ever)

"12. When Dorothy tells Laurel she's the oldest 26 year old in the world. "You know what other women my age are doing right now? Going to clubs, having fun.. they're trying to get a man, trying to keep a man. Not me, Laurel, I'm trying to raise a man." I love that. It makes her sound so wise and you almost want her to go get a little out of control.

13. The conversation the morning after she and Jerry sleep together, when she's talking to Laurel and she says "I love him, I do. I love him, and I don't care what you think. I love him for the man he wants to be and the man he almost is." She never says she loves him for the man he is anyway, and that just really says alot. Also, the fact that he hears that probably isn't so good for anyone."

August 3rd, 2002 -

"Well, don't worry. I'm not ready to join the pro-ana ring just yet. I am truly disgusted with myself right now and I know I have to get my shit together. I have to get a grasp on what's really important. I have to learn that I don't need to get everything I want."

February 27th, 2003 -

"I got my favorite google hit of all time today - "How the fuck am I ever going to get a job?" I couldn't have put it any better than that."

May 21st, 2003

"What we did have or what we MIGHT HAVE?! What the hell is that? Damnit. I hate it when he gets me going like this, putting thoughts into my head. Back in January, February, sure. It was ALMOST okay, even. I thought for sure that I was coming home in August, and maybe if I did that kind of thing, the odds would be more in my favor. But now it's May, I'm not coming home until at least next February, and I SHOULD KNOW BETTER! But there's still that retarded part of me that says, "Maybe soon he'll get tired of not getting any nookie, and he'll see that you have your shit together, and he'll want to come back!" I mean, how weird is it that he IMs me the day after I tell him I have a job now? He didn't IM me before!"

November 4th, 2002 -

"Dear Google Perverts,

PLEASE, I BEG of you, PLEASE stop coming to my page looking for "Christina Aguilera's nipple ring." Yes, I know that she recently discussed that in Rolling Stone, and yes, I know I'm like #4 in the search for this subject, but I DON'T HAVE ANY PICTURES OF HER NIPPLES! Is that so hard to understand? Thank you."

One more, I swear!

August 12th, 2003 -

"But I hear a song, or the sunlight comes into my room in the morning in a certain way, or I have a distinct memory from earlier this year, and I have again remind myself that I've grown since then. I've learned more stuff, I've experienced more life, I've made friends, I've had a job, I have worked on my little quirks. That makes no sense, but it does to me. It is not April. It is August, and I have every resource available to me, and I should be using them instead of watching Daredevil until 2 in the morning when I've already seen it twice. The commentary was awesome, though. THIS IS NOT 4 MONTHS AGO. I AM NOT A MESS. I AM FULLY IN CONTROL OF MY SITUATION."

Yay! That was fun.