It's amazing what happened after I opened my big brain and figured out what happened. Everything started working again! I can check my email again, hallelujah!

This is a public service announcement: keep your computer up to date.

OMG! Spike TV's CSI Marathon starts at 9 AM on Labor Day. I can't tell you how hard that makes my nipples. Seriously! CSI all day long! Since I have no money to spend on any leisure activities, this is what I will do all day. Yay!

A couple of quick hits:

1. I took Alf the puppy to obedience class last night and it was interesting to see how easy it is for me to talk to people who have dogs. It's like.. they're my people. We love our doggies and therefore we understand each other and what we're all about. I can dig that.

2. I ran out of gas yesterday. That's the first time in my life that I've ever had that happen, but it doesn't count because I still have the rental car.

To make the long story short, it was scary. But my car didn't get smashed to pieces by someone who didn't see the hazards were on. And someone, after like, 20 minutes, finally came to my rescue. A policemen even drove by and didn't bother to help.. that baffled me.

3. I had a job interview yesterday. I think it went well, but it was one of those jobs where they care less about your experience than they do about your actual character. I actually had to take some personality tests!

We'll see.

4. I miss Ryan. So very and completely much. I had a dream he was in prison in Miami. I hate what my dreams do to me.. when I woke up from this one I just kinda felt like I had this little empty place in my heart where it feels like he should be. I know that's dramatic, but that's how I've felt for many, many years. I tried getting his number from information, and I tried looking him up online, but to no avail. I just have to remember that he's always the one to initiate contact, and if he hasn't yet, it's for a reason. That's just how it's always been and it sucks but if it's meant to be he'll get in touch with me.

All this for a boy I met almost 10 years ago. I just can't get this guy out of my system! Grawr.

5. This time last year is when I was slowly letting my brain close down. In other words, when I was close to a psychotic meltdown. It's weird to go back and see that and think about how completely different I feel right now. I feel optimistic about the future, even if the present kinda sucks. But I remember how scary it got last year, and I thankful that at least SOME PART of me has grown just a little.

Good to know.

Poof. I'm off to write more CSI fanfic. Why? Because I'm a geek.

*****

a year ago..

"Well, I'm really proud of myself. Not only have I managed to alienate myself from my real friends, I've also somehow managed to alienate myself from all my D-Land people. Once upon a time, I was a vibrant, contributing member of this community, and people responded to that. Now I write a pour my heart out, emotionally fulfilling entry like this one and nobody responds to it. People used to respond. People used to pretend that they care."

and..

"In other news, I went to the psychologist today. I learned something new: Apparently I have a baby living inside of me, and it's not the fun kind.

Yes, that's right. My inner child is responsible for all my bad decisions. "

2 years...

"Speaking of Axl, I've started reading a lot of message boards and I just can't stand it when people talk bad about him! People are saying he looked bloated and fat and he's just another aging rock star! He did not look bloated. And his hair is strange, I'll give you that, but I think he looks great! Hey! Grunge didn't kill him! It only made him stronger! It only set him back for a few years! Get ready for a comeback."