I suppose I could make a lame joke about boys after that, but I'll let you do that on your own.

So here I am at Matt's, just hanging out before I go watch him bowl. He's in a league. The fun never ends!

I spent the day with my mom, and I just have one question: What makes me so friggin special? Why do people spend so much time worrying about me and wanting to spend time with me and wanting to spend money on me? What do I give other people? What reason do I give people to give one tiny shit about me?

I know this is just my self esteem talking, but I seriously racked my brain and could not come up with an answer to this one. I'm hanging out at Matt's this weekend and he knows I have absolutely no money and he is going to fund the whole weekend. Why would he want to do that? What purpose am I fulfilling in his life? I live 200 miles away, I compare nothing to the girl that he dated for almost a year. I'm not the free spirt I was when I first met him, at 17 years old. But yet he still welcomes me into his house, into his arms, into his bed, and into his wallet.

And he's still so passionate for me... while we were doing ummm stuff last night, he just kinda stopped in the middle of it and said, "Look how beautiful you are!" I mean.. how awesome is that, after 6 years, to have someone say something like that in the middle of nookie. *sigh*

And my mom.. she is way too good to me. While I took a nap, she actually cleaned my car out, which is no easy task. She bought me lunch. She paid to get my eyebrows waxed. And she bought me 2 shirts at Old Navy. That's $50 worth of mommy love right there, and why did she do it?

Well, I guess I do have an answer to that. She said that she's doing all this because she "believes in me." And I guess that's why everyone is doing it. They've obviously seen something in me that I haven't seen in a long time, and they aren't giving up on me. Sometimes I feel like everyone should give up on me. Sometimes I wish that everyone would give up on me so I'd have the incentive to go out and kick majorly needed ass.

I don't know what my problem is. All these people believe in me. All these people love me. And what do I give them? I give them frustration and anger. It's really frustrating for me to make people so frustrated. And such.

But anyway. That was my self pity moment for the day. It was fun, wasn't it?

I'm starving.

Well, I guess its time for bowling fun. I will be back, oh yes, I will be back.

*****

What was Liz doing 1 year and 1 day ago?

"I was thinking about it today, and I've decided that I miss sex.

I haven't had any for almost 5 years. In fact, I think the last time I had it was August 17th, 1997. I skipped school and went to Doofus boy's house to engage in the only sex we would ever have. Yes, it was that bad.

Yes, I still get satisfied by other means, but I miss actually having sex. Like, that's a statement about your relationship! It means you and your partner are confident enough in your love that you can like.. have intercourse. And I miss that. I want sex, my friends. With my damn boyfriend. And unless I want to rape him while he's sleeping, I have to wait until we get married.

*sigh*"

What was Liz doing 2 years ago?

"Okay, so, my new attitude: fuck anonymous. I was, and now I'm not, and if I really wanted it, I wouldn't have told my boyfriend that I had this name. Like I've said, there's no reason for him to stumble upon this diary. But I just enjoyed being unknown for a while, but I think that should end, because my name is not MyMichele. It's not even Michele. It doesn't even start with an M.

My name is Elizabeth. Okay? My friends usually end up calling me Liz. You can call me whatever you want. But that's my name. I know, it's shocking."