baby maybe someday
July 28, 2004 A whole shitastic bunch of craptasticness!

Before I get started, I really can't contain myself, I have to share this unbelievably hot picture with you people:

Now TELL ME that I didn't make an AWESOMELY WONDERFUL choice for my newest obsession! Holy lord, that man is just SMOKING HOT.

PHEW! But I digress.

You know things are bad when people actually try to walk right through you.

I was just at the donut shop next door to get a Dr. Pepper so that I could attempt to stay awake today, and I stood behind this guy in line, and then when he turned around to leave, he walked right smack into me. Like, he was trying to walk through me. Like, I was a ghost. It was kinda creepy, really.

Anyway. I am trying my best to stay awake because last night, miracle of miracles, I actually spent the night at Matt's. Because what am I if I don't cater to his every need? Not really. Because I have needs too, as we all know. We haven't seen each other in 3 weeks because of his various work trips, so I almost forgot what getting the good nookie feels like. Verdict: oh so good. I'm sure you wanted to know that.

I don't know what it was about me last night, but he had all these thoughts on my attitude. First of all, he was fascinated by the fact that I felt like I had lost weight. Like, not me feeling it, but he felt it, like, in my body or something. I was flattered by that, but I know I haven't lost weight. If anything, I've gained.

And then we got into some kind of conversation and he accused me of being bitter! Please, if any of you have read me for the past 3 years, I'm sure you can tell that this is one of my LESS bitter stages of existing. Seriously, I remember being bitter. I spent almost a year being bitter over the whole break up. Three years ago I had it pretty good, with not having to work, being in school, going to Matt's every weekend, but I was still mega-bitter! And I truly believe that right now, I am less bitter than I've been in a REALLY LONG TIME. And yes, I am proud of that.

In other news, in accordance with the whole Matt believing I lost weight thing, I've been doing some hardcore working out and I had almost forgotten how good that feels. I really do love my 2 hour workouts, with almost an hour of cardio, 45 minutes of weights, and then a million sit-ups. Getting sweaty rocks.

Over the past couple of years, I've never had a problem working out. When I was in Austin and unemployed, working out was totally the highlight of my days. But.. it's the whole food thing that gets in the way. And in the summer, it always gets worse. The summer is always when I start having the fun buliemia thoughts again and when Tracy Gold starts looking more sane than during the rest of the year. I get hungry, and instead of having an apple or something, I start having lustful thoughts about tortillas. Seriously, mexican food is my downfall. And then I have that mexican food, and I feel guilty about eating it, and maybe once in a while I'll hack it back out, and thus I feel shitty about myself, and thus starts the process all over again.

And now, let's pause for a picture of Axl:

Thank you. Now let's continue:

This vicious cycle WILL end someday, I'm sure of that. I am so optimistic that my future is going to be good that sometimes I neglect to really care about the present. That's one of my bad qualities.

So this has been an uplifting entry, right? I am tired because I went to Matt's at 9, we got it on, watched a little Arrested Development, and then it was time for me to go to sleep. Except for the fact that he has that whole "I don't go to bed until 4 AM because I'm hardcore and don't have a 9-5 job like the rest of you losers do" kind of thing happening, and he was watching Big Brother 5 on TIVO, and despite myself, I kinda got into it, and I didn't really drift off to sleep until 1 AMish, which really sucked when I had to wake up at 7.

Okay then. That was long and I apologize.

I would like to comment on the weather we've been having here in Texas.. it's been HOTT for about a month, but for the past couple of days it's been lovely, and today it's 75 degrees and raining. If I were a boy, I would have an erection all day long.

I heart Television Without Pity.

I really only wrote this entry so you wouldn't be subjected to pictures of me swimming.

Seacrest, out.

*Included below is a poem I wrote about me and Matt when I was 17. It's kinda dorky, but it really does still have relevance to my life today. Weird.


2 years ago...

"So then I left and met Dorkus Boy at Wendy's. I haven't seen him for a few months, so there was the dreaded "weirdo friend ackwardness" that I really hate, but deal with a lot anyway since I'm just a big antisocial freak."

Three years ago...

"I'm sure you aspiring psychiatrists out there can make the corrolation between why I've been with my boyfriend so long and why I was psycho boy so long and how my dad usually shows his love by not giving affection but instead just giving me money. I'm sure you could, but don't, because that would just take all the fun out of it."

To hold his hand...

By Liz - October 1997

You don't see the way he looks at me
You don't see the way he cares
You don't feel the way he kisses
You don't see, and it's not fair.

You don't hear the sweet whispers
You don't feel his touch
You don't care to know
Why I love him so much

You don't feel his arms around you
You can't see the look in his eyes
All you see is hate
All you see is are lies.

You don't know the way I feel
Whenever he's around
You don't see the my happy face
Or hear my heart pound.

You don't see
You don't understand
You don't know how it feels
Just to hold his hand.

back & forth random

So be it! My last entry ever. - November 16, 2004
701 - October 17, 2004
Buh bye: An Austinliz thesis - October 03, 2004
war of the roses - October 01, 2004
fucking debate! - September 30, 2004