baby maybe someday
November 02, 2003 And so it starts! And other stuff.

Nano is taking a life of its own already. I'm up to 2,500 words so far, but it's a really crappy 2,500 words. I've already put a story within the story about the battle between vampires and werewolves, and I almost feel like a fraud because I've never really written a science-fiction like story before and I feel like I'm making a mockery of the whole damm thing.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I haven't written an outline or anything, I'm just kinda writing out of my ass. I think it'll work out, though. I'm not planning on trying to sell it or anything, it's just gonna be a fun thing to do during November. Or some such.

I worked today. Man, working really interferes with my whole free-time schedule! I didn't have time to work out today. I barely had time to do Nano. I worked until 3 and then at 4:30 Joey and I went to see My Life Without Me. I really didn't like this movie at all. But that's just me. When it was over, I dragged him to the porn store because I had some movies that were due, and also because I wanted to show the guys that work there that I had some kind of boy in my life. Sure, he's gay as Christmas, but they don't need to know that.

It's weird to not have so much free time. It's weird that Matt wants me to let him know what my schedule is so we can plan something together. It's weird because when I had all the time in the world, he wasn't interested. But I guess that was the point.

At work today, I didn't feel like I was connecting with any of my customers. I didn't feel a vibe with any of them.. it seemed like they were all annoyed with life in general or with me or with their burritos. I didn't like it. It made me really uncomfortable. I was really happy to leave there today. It was ooky.

Meanwhile, I am crazy looking forward to going to Vegas. That's probably a dangerous thing, because we haven't really set those plans in stone yet. But thinking about the hours of driving there and then spending a few nights in a hotel with Matt on New Years.. if it happens, its going to be incredible. It will be a test for the two of us, I know that. I know it might be kind of hardcore to spend a week or so trapped in a small car together, just the two of us, after not spending more than 2 days at a time together for more than a year. That does sound scary, now that I think about it. But I think we need something hardcore like that. I think we need it to show if we can do this. And if we can't, well, I'm glad I know that. Good times, that's what I say.

I rented National Lampoon's Vacation tonight because it had commentary from most of the original cast. If that doesn't give me a chubby, I don't know what can! I also got Spaceballs with commentary from Mel Brooks! Holy bajeezus, how can you go wrong with that shiznit?!

I feel like I should have written a lot more than 2,500 words by now. But I have a job, and a social life, and I'm tired. I'm still ahead of schedule, so that's good. Hopefully tomorrow I'll get back on the ball and kick some ass.

Also, I signed up for D-land Survivor 5 and surprise surprise, did not make it. With the lineup they have now, it's no wonder I didn't make it: it's a complete representation of the upper crust D-land royalty. I don't know if I'm more annoyed that it was a popularity contest or that I'm not popular enough, after 2 1/2 years of this place, to win a popularity contest. Probably the latter. I have no pride.

On a completely different note, reading conversations like this one, from a year ago, kinda piss me off and I have to stop reading because really.. it's not true. None of it was true. It wasn't about me, that's true, but it was about him and The Girl. But maybe he did it the right way. I was talking to my mom about it, telling her how he was brutal with the whole girlfriend thing after a while, flaunting it, rubbing my nose in it. She was like, "He was probably just trying to get the point across that you have to get over it and move on!"

And I can see that. I can see how he might have handled the break-up a little carefully, too. But that's in the past. I'm not obsessing over it, really! It just makes me a little crazy to read conversations based on total lies.

And I could write a whole different entry on that. So I will shut up now.

Songs I've listened to while writing this entry:

We've Got Tonight - Bob Seger

No Place that Far - Vince Gill and Sara Evans

Estranged - Guns N Roses

*****

a year ago...

"So, I participated in the journalism department's "float" for my school's homecoming parade today.

Why did I do this? Was it because I felt a sense of obligation to the department because I'm a senior and shiznit? Is it because I wanted to walk for an hour and a half with no end in sight in the rain in 50 degrees?

No. The answer is, I participated because they had a limo Hummer and I wanted to ride in it because I get a stiffy for cars like a Hummer."

2 years ago..

"And then we talked about the last time we saw each other, where there was more ackward sexual tension than I've ever experienced. It made me giggle. He giggled a little, too. And then my mom talked to him for a few minutes, which was kinda wierd. I told him that just because I don't call him doesn't mean I don't want to talk to him, because I do."

and...

"I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm obsessed with a 54 year old gay guy! *Sigh* I just really like his songs and I respect his musical genius. I mean, come on! Candle in the Wind, Levon, I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues, Don't Let the Sun go Down on me, Original Sin, Your Song, I'm Still Standing, and the list goes on and on! So many good songs!"



back & forth random
recently...

So be it! My last entry ever. - November 16, 2004
701 - October 17, 2004
Buh bye: An Austinliz thesis - October 03, 2004
war of the roses - October 01, 2004
fucking debate! - September 30, 2004