You know, I've always looked at my future with an open mind. I've always thought that something will happen that is extradorinary, that will help me branch out, that will give me lots of money so I don't have to keep working at the same place for 30 years just to make enough money to pay the bills. But now I'm starting to see things differently. If I can only get a job at Jason's Deli now, what makes me think I'm ever going to make something of myself anywhere else? Guhh, whatever. We'll see what happens here after a month or two. I can't work there much longer than that or else I'm just going to feel like a pathetic crack monkey.

Anyway! In other news, yesterday I felt sexy. I wore this black shirt with short sleeves and it really made me feel good, like I've lost weight, like I look good. I have to buy some new jeans today because my other ones tore apart at the seams in the thigh. I don't think that's good, but whatever.

I miss Matt. Bah. He said he might go on a road trip this weekend because his girlfriend is going out of town and he doesn't want to feel pathetic sitting at home on Valentines Day. I'm just not even going to comment on that, I'm not. But I do want to see him, at least on Saturday, but I probably won't now. He's a road trip whore and if he has the chance, I'm sure he's going to take it.

I want to see him because I want to show him that I can see him without trying to get in his pants, even though I'm really not sure if I can. I think I can. And the fact that I look good is a good reason, but I haven't lost enough weight. I can't wait to come back in April in May when I can finally wear a tank top without being ashamed. That's the good part about starting the whole personal training thing so early in the year.. tank tops in the summer!

Well, anyway. I am somewhat happy.. I'm losing weight, I have a job where cute boys will want to get up in my business, and I haven't cried since Monday. But I wish I could get a job at a magazine or newspaper or even in an office, but what can you do. It's all good.

I can't wait until Friday. 2 days till then. 2 days until I pack my shit and drive 3 hours to see my puppy man. Then I start work on Monday.. I have no idea what time because she said 8, but I don't know if thats in the morning or at night.

GUHHHH.