1. We're apparently getting a puppy tonight. This should probably excite me, but it indeed doesn't. First of all, my roommate works all day and then goes to summer school all night. Who is going to take care of this puppy? Oh, me.

And she made my testicles shrink up inside me when she said that it was part chow. I.hate.chows. With a PASSION. I hope the other half is golden retreiver or something.

I was sad when her other dog ran away when she was in NYC, but it's been nice not having the responsibility. Now we have to train a puppy all over again. I am really not looking forward to this. I heart other people's puppies, but I don't want my own! Geez louise.

2. Is it bad that only yesterday I was thinking about how much I disliked a certain person, and was in fact thinking to myself how I dislike this certain person when they were here this morning, walking around and talking and using the bathroom, while at the same time having a heart attack?

Yes, now this certain person is in the hospital with like their 400th heart attack. The person was HAVING A HEART ATTACK while I thought about HOW MUCH I DISLIKE THEM.

This can't be good. God, please don't let lightning strike me today. Although I probably deserve it.

And that's the second person in the hospital this week. I'm starting to fear for my safety. Bad Karma, man.

3. It's Your Love is on WinAmp right now. I hate this song for what it represents, but I love it for what it represents, too. Fucking relationships.

4. There is a woman who works out at my gym who has the largest breasts I've ever seen in this world. They have obviously not been made by nature. They are porn star boobs, all the way. And when she and I are working out at the same time, sometimes it's hard to concentrate on what I'm doing because these boobs are so extremely distracting. They're like.. HHH size or something. Doesn't it hard to work out with those mama's?

It confuses me. Why are her boobs this large? Can't she take them out or something? And like.. I dunno.. they're big! Really big.

5. I am obsessed with Nissan Altima's. I will be getting one soon, and then I will be happy. Yay material things!

6. I don't want a puppy.

7. I am feeling about 150% better than I did last week. I'm working out everyday, and I have lots of plans this weekend that actually include being social. I was going to my dad's farm to start writing my novel, and it was just going to be me and Charlie, and I was REALLY looking forward to that, but fortunately that's not going to work out. So, yay for that. I'm also doing some seriously intense and sweaty workouts, dieting for REAL this time, and even managing to clean my room a little here and there. I think it was just PMS that was causing me to want to stick a sharp object in my eyeball. Fucking PMS.

8. The Velvet Revolver concert is next weekend. WOO! SLASH, HERE I COME!

9. Dude, Six Feet Under starts again on Sunday. I've seen the commercial where they're all in the grocery store, and it seriously gives me goose bumps. I can't wait for some new Six Feet Under action! It's been a year!

10. I still heart L&O SVU. I got so excited because there was a new (to me) episode last night, and then a rerun right after that. I also kinda miss my obsession with the West Wing and plan to renew it partially this weekend with the second season DVD.

11. At the end of this entry I will include the lyrics to Mad World by Gary Jules because I was just listening to it and I love it. Thank you.

12. Guns N Roses Greatest Hits Album has been on the Top 40 Albums list ever since it came out 2 or 3 months ago. See! There is still a market for Axl.

13. I have a secret desire to ditch everyone and everything and move to Las Vegas to become a blackjack dealer.

I actually really wish I could just do that, but I can't keep running away. Plus, I have like $2 in my bank account right now and can't pay another $1000 or so to move again. Ahh, details.

****

a year ago...

"Sometimes, well a lot of the time, I wish he felt the same way. I wish that sometimes he's just overcome by loneliness, he's overcome by the feeling that maybe he'll never be happy again. Because I've felt that way before. And I hope he does too.

That's totally a tangent. But I'm not sorry. I hate him sometimes, I really do. I hate him for finding someone so quick after we broke up. I hate that that person is better suited for him than I am. I hate that she's thinner and smarter and probably a lot less socially retarded. I wish I could channel my pain to him sometimes, because sometimes I just think he fucking deserves it."

*****

All around me are familiar faces

Worn out places

Worn out faces

Bright and early for the daily races

Going no where

Going no where

Their tears are filling up their glasses

No expression

No expression

Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow

No tomorrow

No tomorrow

And I find I kind of funny

I find it kind of sad

The dreams in which I�m dying are the best I�ve ever had

I find it hard to tell you

I find it hard to take

When people run in circles its a very very

Mad world

Mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good

Happy birthday

Happy birthday

And I feel the way that every child should

Sit and listen

Sit and listen

Went to school and I was very nervous

No one knew me

No one new me

Hello teacher tell me what�s my lesson

Look right through me

Look right through me

And I find I kind of funny

I find it kind of sad

The dreams in which I�m dying are the best I�ve ever had

I find it hard to tell you

I find it hard to take

When people run in circles its a very very

Mad world

Mad world

Enlarging your world

Mad world