The last 24 hours have been a very strange and confusing time for me. It's very hard to talk so much to someone who admits they miss you and want to see you, but they can't do anything about it because a. They have to get their shit together and b. because of the ever present girlfriend. My mom said I shouldn't make myself so available to him all the time, but that's what I'm used to. That's what I do. I'm Elizabeth, available for Matt. Elizabeth And Matt. Now Matt and Lori and Elizabeth and herself. There is just no justice in this world.

I know I should just say "Look, I can't talk to you for a while, it hurts both of us too much," but that would just be too smart. It's easy to talk to him. It's nice to talk to him, even if it did have me crying in the fetal position on my sofa in my pajamas at 5:00 today. That "Oh my god I'm going to throw up and/or choke on my tears" kind of crying that everyone loves so much.

After that, I put my clothes on, put a little perfume on and went to a movie. I had to get out of here or something would have gotten hurt. I went to see A Guy Thing, which is seriously the most sucktastic movie I've ever seen. Whoever wrote that garbage needs some professional help, because it sucked so much ass. Craptastic, that's what it was. But it was still nice to get out of the apartment for a few hours.

I also went to Barnes and Noble and spent way too much money. But thats me. That's what I do. When I'm depressed I either eat too much or go shopping, and shopping was the proper choice tonight.

I bought a Coldplay CD. I never thought the day would come where I actually bought a Coldplay CD, but there you go. For your pleasure, I put the lyrics to "Clocks," a song that I've really been feeling lately, at the bottom here. I know you're excited. Below that is a song I heard for the first time tonight, "Picture" by Sheryl Crow and Kid Rock. I was really feeling that one too. Songs just mean a lot more when you've been dumped.

Has anyone noticed that it's really hard to talk to someone on a cell phone? Like, when you talk to people in person you can tell when they're going to say something else so you don't say anything so they can say something. But when you're on the cell phone, you're constantly interrupting people when they begin a sentence and then it's all confusing and I really hate that. Damn phones.

Here's some lyrics for you:

Clocks, Coldplay

Lights go out and I can't be saved
Tides that I tried to swim against
You've put me down upon my knees
Oh I beg, I beg and plead (singing)<
Come out of things unsaid, shoot an apple of my head (and a)
Trouble that can't be named, tigers waiting to be tamed (singing)

You are, you are

Confusion never stops, closing walls and ticking clocks (gonna)
Come back and take you home, I could not stop, that you now know (singing)
Come out upon my seas, curse missed opportunities (am I)
A part of the cure, or am I part of the disease (singing)

You are
And nothing else compares
Oh no nothing else compares

And nothing else compares

You are
Home, home, where I wanted to go

*****

Pictures, Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow

(Kid Rock)
Livin' my life in a slow hell
Different girl everynight at the hotel
I aint seen the sunshine in 3 damn days
Been fuelin' up on cocaine and whiskey
Wish I had a good girl to miss me

Lord I wonder if I'll ever change my ways
I put your picture away
Sat down and cried today
I can't look at you while I'm lying next to her
put your picture away
sat down and cried today
I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next ta' her

( Sheryl Crow)
I called you last night in the hotel
Everyone knows but they wont tell
But their half hearted smiles tell me somethin
just aint riight
I been waitin' on you for along time
Fuelin' up on heart aches and cheap wine
I ain't heard from you in 3 damn nights
I put your' picture away
I wonder where you been
can't loko at you while I'm lyin next to him
I put your' picture away
wonder where you been
I can't look at you while I'm lyin next to him

(Crow
I saw you yesterday with an old friend

(Rock)
It was the same ol same how have you been

(Both)
Since you been gone my worlds been dark and grey

(Rock)
You reminded me of brighter days

(Crow)
I hoped you were comin' home ta' stay
I was head of the church

(Rock)
I was off to drink you away

(Both)
I thought about you for a long time
Can't seem to get you off my mind
I can't understand why we're livin' life this way
I found your picture today
I swear I'll change my ways
I just called to say I want you to come back home
I found your picture today
I swear I'll change my ways
I just called to say I want you to come back home
I just clled to say U love you, come back home