baby maybe someday
2003-01-24 The beginning of a lovely story

I'm tired of thinking about it, I'm tired of talking about it, I'm tired of writing about it. So here instead is the very beginning of my novel, the novel that is going to make me famous and help me achieve my dreams in life. If you have any suggestions, let me know, cuz I want this to be good.

*****

When I got dumped, it became my identity. I wore my status of being dumped like a badge of honor, and I�d carry it around with me, just waiting to bust it out like a rookie police officer. Within minutes of meeting new people, I would wait until just the right moment until I could finally say, �Well, I just got dumped after a 6 year relationship, so I�m trying to deal with that. You know how it is.� And they�d either nod knowingly or look at me with pity.

The ones who nodded knowingly had been dumped recently. They knew how it felt. They knew how being dumped was pretty much like being stabbed. It hurts, it�s a tragedy, there�s wrenching pain involved, and if you don�t die, someday you get over it. Someday, you heal. The people who would give me the pity-filled looks were the ones who do the dumping. The kind of people who never let themselves get dumped and feel contempt for those of us who do.

I allowed myself to become a victim when I got dumped. I let my friends and family dote on me, give me advice, tell me how great I am and how easy it will be for me to find someone new. And most of all they let me cry about what a horrible human being my ex boyfriend was, how he broke my heart and someday he�ll be sorry about it and when he realizes that, he�ll come back to me and I would have moved on, therefore effectively breaking his heart like he broke mine when he dumped me.

Except it never really happens like that.

It all started with the salad.

We were having dinner at our favorite restaurant, Cool Ranch Cafe. We were both having our pre-dinner salads, munching away, having a good time. I thought we were having a good time, at least. It was my contention that you knew a relationship was successful when you didn�t have to talk all the time. We were just eating, enjoying our comfortable silence as usual, and then it happened.

I took another noisy bite of my Caesar, enjoying the taste and enjoying the moment with my boyfriend. He looked at me in total contempt, and threw down his fork.

�Olivia. I can�t take this anymore. We sit here and we eat and we never have anything to talk about! Aren�t you getting tired of that?�

My heart started pounding like it always did when we got in fights, which seemed to happen a little more frequently lately.

�No, Jared, I�m not getting tired of it. Don�t you think it�s refreshing to not always have to talk all the time? Don�t you think it�s nice just to be able to eat your salad in a comfortable state of silence?�

He just shook his head and snorted.

�I�ve been thinking about this a lot lately, and I think we need to break it off. I�m sorry, but I want more than this. I need conversation; I need intellectual stimulation, Olivia. You just can�t offer me that anymore.�

I didn�t want to admit it, but it was true. I had become one of those girls who totally neglected her social life just so she could spend a little extra time with her boyfriend. That kind of thing is cute when you�ve been together a few months, but Jared and I had been together since I was 18 years old. Six long years, years that were gone, years that we could never get back.

�Yeah, I know I�ve been a little.. boring lately. But I can make it up, Jared! I can start making friends with people at work, or I can join some clubs or something! Don�t bail on me now, what about the wedding?�

He shook his head in what looked like disgust.

�What wedding? I haven�t even proposed to you, Olivia. I just went along with your wedding fantasies because it was easier to pretend than to actually do something about it. Forget it, it�s over. There�s nothing you can do.�

It was then that our waiter came by with our dinner, but suddenly the grilled chicken sandwich didn�t look so appetizing anymore.

Jared didn�t even look the least bit bothered by it at all. He just dumped me, his girlfriend of 6 long and crazy years, and he was just eating his meatloaf like nothing just happened. I suddenly wished I had ordered the steak, which would have come with sharp instruments.

I stared at my dinner and had a few thoughts as to what I could do. I could yell and cry and make a huge scene, first of all. I wouldn�t have put it past me if I did that. I could just eat, take him back to his house, get my stuff, and leave quietly. I could try to convince him that he was making a mistake. Instead, I did what seemed to be the most gratifying option. I threw my iced tea in his face, I walked out of the restaurant, and I called my mom.

�Mom? I sort of need you to pick me up.�



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