baby maybe someday
2003-04-04 Musings on stuff.

Okay people, here's the deal.

I keep talking about leaving in 4 months because that's when my lease is up. I know that most of you are all like, "Why are you leaving in 4 months? Why can't you stay longer than that?"

The answer is.. I just don't want to. I moved here because I wanted to see what it was like to live in Austin, to live away from most of my family, to live far from Matt, etc.

I like living far from Matt, but the other things, I don't like so much. I don't really like Austin.. it's really liberal and somewhat exciting and happy fun times, but I don't know if I'm that liberal anymore. I grew up in Dallas.. it's my home, it's where I feel like I belong.

If you want to think I'm a weenie because of this, well, whatever. That's just how I feel and I don't wish to get a hard time about it. People who are from Dallas tend to stay in Dallas because that's where we're from, damnit. People in Austin.. it's a very rare thing to find someone who's actually originally from Austin. Which is cool and shit, but it's just not what I want. I want my hometown, the security that it offers me. I want to live on Lovers Lane or Walnut Hill or Meadow, and I want to go to Eatzi's for dinner and go to a Mavericks game and listen to my favorite radio station (which I'm listening to right now via the internet) and I want to find a job that I can keep for years and years and be happy with.

Does that help explain anything? It doesn't have anything to do with Matt. If he hadn't have broken up with me, I wouldn't have moved here. But he really doesn't have anything to do with me wanting to move back.

Really. I swear.

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Anyway.. I am really disturbed about something. It would appear that My-reviews has dissapeared into the Diaryland oblivion. What the hell is up with that? Almost a year of hard work, a year of reviewing my ass off, not to mention all the other people who reviewed for me.. all gone! I thought that didn't happen at D-land.. it's really poopy. It makes me sad.. sad, damnit!

I just thought I'd share.

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Today I'm going to the farm. Actually, I'm driving to Donna's house in Dallas, and then I'm having her drive me to the farm because I just don't want to drive there. I'm going to be within 15 minutes of Matt's house. I will not call him. He knows I'm going to the farm.. he hasn't mentioned it, though. I have to admit, I will be a little sad if he doesn't call me this weekend, if he doesn't have a sudden urge to see me or whatever. I know he won't, I know I just saw him 2 weeks ago, but still. Bah.

This is the 3rd time in a month that I'm leaving, but what can you do sometimes. The primary purpose of this trip is to beg my dad for money before he leaves to go to England and Italy. Come on, I have no pride. I need money.

It's also to see the new puppy. He's 5 months old! His name is Bosco! Awwww! Puppy!

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Speaking of Matt, in the 5 days that I've decided to ignore him, he's sent me 2 emails and IMed me twice. Interesting. Maybe there really is something to this "hard to get" stuff that I always refused to participate in. I know me ignoring him isn't exactly going to make him dump his girlfriend, but maybe it'll just.. I dunno. I really don't know. But this is working.. it's making me feel so much better, I haven't walked around in my depressed-person posture since Sunday. So that's good.

Last night I woke up at like 3 AM to pee and I got on here to check my email, because that's what I do, and like seconds after I check my email, he IM's me just to tell me to go back to sleep. Like he was staring at my name on his buddy list waiting for me to come on or something! I know he wasn't, but that was just.. cool. It was cool. I dug it. He used to do that when we were together.. when I woke up in the middle of the night he'd IM me and "tuck me in" and it was cute.

*shakes head*

I don't know. I mean.. whatever, right?

I don't know the situation with his girlfriend right now.. we haven't talked about it at all. But if he was really happy with her he wouldn't be IMing me in the middle of the night, would he?

GOOD LORD, SHUT UP! I am such a dork. And I am shuting up now.

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I really like No Doubt's new song.. "we're running running as fast as we can, do you think we'll make it?" It's depressing and the video is really sad, but hey. I can dig it.

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I'm going to see my puppy today! YAYAYA!

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What was Liz doing a year ago?

"I have an unbelieavable amount of cleavage going on today, and I'm not really sure what to do with it. I have my shirt buttoned all the way because I'm not sure if people are ready for all this cleavage. Cuz you know.. there's a lot."



back & forth random
recently...

So be it! My last entry ever. - November 16, 2004
701 - October 17, 2004
Buh bye: An Austinliz thesis - October 03, 2004
war of the roses - October 01, 2004
fucking debate! - September 30, 2004