1. David Caruso. I think he totally rocks in CSI Miami. If that's wrong, I don't want to be right.

2. I had dinner with my dad last night. Gee, I just love having dinner with my dad. Really. Okay, not really.

My dad is almost 60 years old. I really can't say that I understand why he has chosen to shack up with a 35 year old surly british woman with a 4 year old son. He already did the children thing, and look how we turned out. One's gay, the other can't find a job.

Well, Donna isn't that surly. I actually quite like her. Quite an improvement from past girlfriends. But the 4 year old.. he is the biggest brat of all time. And they try to be stern with him, they try to be mean so he can learn that he can't get everything he wants, but then they just go ahead and give him everything he wants anyway! The point of all this: This 4 year old is going to end up exactly like me. And I don't know if anyone really wants that.

Both my dad and Donna chose to tell me that they were about to buy me a new car, they were even looking at some, but then I lost my job and now they aren't considering it anymore. It's nice to know that now that I'm unemployed, I am also an outcast of society undeserving of a new vehicle.

Yes, I realize what a snot I am.

3. Why am I so addicted to triple yahtzee?

4. So I saw my my baby Charlie last night for the first time in a couple of months. At first I was a little shy with him because I haven't been around him! I've been around my brother's dog Dylan, whom I am totally in love with at this point, who runs to me like he hasn't seen me in months whenever I come over. And now there's Bailey, Matt's roommate's puppy. Bailey and I bonded on Friday night. Matt and I took her to Sonic in his truck and she sat in my lap, and then later as we watched the wonder that is Smackdown, she fell asleep in my arms. Awwww.

The point is, I've bonded with other doggies. But it's all good. Charlie and I picked up right where we left off. The problem is that his feelings get hurt rather easily, and I know it's not fun for him when I come and only stay a couple of hours and then leave again.

Poor puppy. :(

5. Today was the start of the fall semester at a lot of Texas colleges. I am so jealous. Matt is starting his second year of his Masters, and I just wanna go to school too. I miss buying school supplies for the Fall semester, going to school that first week and not really doing anything important, making road trip plans for the end of the year, waiting in anticipation for my birthday to arrive, getting Winter sweaters and crap, and just getting all snuggly with folks. I guess I can still do all that, but it was more fun when I was at school and didn't have to worry about all this job stuff.

I can't wait until it gets cold. No more of this 102 degrees shit. I want to wear my leather jacket and sexy sweaters and shiznit. Awww yeah.

6. Speaking of the job stuff, it should probably bother me a lot more that almost a month has gone by since I lost my job and I really haven't done anything to change this situation. I've done a little, but I've been pretty apathetic about the whole thing, which is bad, because I kind of really need to pay the rent. My dad is helping with rent for September, but after that, I'm screwed. So I really have to get it in gear here.

And I have to do that anyway. But we'll get to that in a second.

Also, I didn't get that job that interviewed for last Wednesday. They want someone with more editing experience. That's too bad.. I really kinda wanted that one. But I digress.

7. If there's one relationship that I really want to work, it's Trisha Yearwood and Garth Brooks. Seriously.

8. I saved this for last because I know it's going to make everyone roll their eyes. Yes, that's right. It's time for some Matt Gushing.

Last night, I left my dad's and went to Matt's in my Hottie Outfit because I had to get all dressed up to go out to eat with my dad and crap. Matt didn't really say anything at the time, but he was trying to get all up in my business. I went to bed around 1 AM last night and he went to bed around 6, and he woke me up before he went to sleep just to tell me this one little thing that is still making me smile. He said, "I have a confession to make.. I didn't tell you before, but you were smoking hot when you got here tonight and I just couldn't get enough of you!" That's not verbatim. I was asleep so I really don't remember what he said, but that was the jist of it.

It was just so sweet, and he was so totally sweet the whole time I was here this weekend. I just really do love the guy. He truly is my best friend, the one person (other than my mom, of course) that I feel completely and totally 100% comfortable with. He knows me, he knows my sighs, he knows my looks, he knows my attitude.. I can't fucking hide things around him! If I'm sad about something or just dissapointed or angry, I obviously can't hide it or he just knows me so well that it all comes out anyway. I hate that, but I love it. I love that he knows me so well.

His mom babysits this little 3 year old boy, and when we went there on Friday, he could not stop playing with this guy. And where I really didn't care much about the boy because I'm just not there yet (I was too busy playing with Spam, the dog), he was just so good with him. I want to marry this guy. I want to be his wife, and I want to raise children with him, and I want to grow old with him. And if that's wrong, well, screw it. I don't think it's wrong. I think it's very, very right.

And this morning all I could think about was how I have to get it together. I have to get a job, I have to find my niche in life. We all know that. But I can't really explain why it's more important to me now than ever. It just is. And I have to do it.

But my point is.. I love him. And I love snuggling with him and kissing him and holding his hand and reaching over and touching him when he's driving and I just love him. Gush gush gush gush gush! I know this is lame, but I just have to get it out of me. I'll try to keep the Matt gushing to a minimum after this entry.

And he updated his webpage today. Of course there's still nothing about me there, but he does say that he's happier than he's been in a long time. I'm not saying that's because of me, because I know it's football season and he's pretty happy about life in general. But was he saying that when the blond was in his life? No. No he wasn't.

And I would like to address that quickly. The blond happened. I know she did. I know he "cheated" on me with her. For 4 months. My depression support group leader asked me last week, "Doesn't it bother you that he did that to you?" Well, to be honest, it doesn't really bother me that much anymore. We haven't even uttered her name in conversation in 2 months. I don't know how they could have such an up and down relationship and then not talk for 2.5 months, but whatever happened it between them and he's not talking about it. And for now, that's totally fine with me. We're moving into the future, and obsessing over our past is not going to get us anywhere.

I still hate her, though.

9. I went to the gynocologist today. Nothing really exciting, I just thought I'd share that. The nurse did ask, "Are you having intercourse?" And I had to once again, for the 6th year in a row, shamefully say no, I am not having intercourse. I'm having lots of vaginal stimulation digitally, but that's about it.

*sigh*

10. Okay, I'll shut up now. Coming up, more ex-boyfriend stories because I wanted to get that done by Labor Day cuz that's the whole point.

Right, right.

*****

What was Liz doing a year ago?

"Annoying person who is trying desperetly to small talk with me: "So, ready for school to start?"

Me: "Yep, sure am."

Annoying person: "Really? You don't want a few more weeks of summer?

Me: "Well, this is my last semester. I'm graduating in December, so I'm really ready to get it over with."

Annoying person: "Oh! That's great!"

I had that same exact conversation with 47 people in the past week. The next time someone asks me I'm going to claw their eyes out."

What was Liz doing 2 years ago?

"

High school football scrimmage today. Wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, but I was reading Cosmo, which was actually worse than watching the game. I couldn't believe some of the stories they had in this piece of shit. Like, one guy knew that his girlfriend was cheating on him with lots of other guys, and he was a tattoo artist so he convinced her to let him tattoo her name on her back. When she looked at it in the mirror, it said "SLUT" instead of "ANNA." I was horrified. What kind of fucking asshole does that? Then he said she "probably had to pay tons of money to get it lasered off"... if that chick had any brains she'd sue his ass off!

There was other stories in that stupid magazine, but none you'll probably want to hear. I will never buy that piece of crap again, I swear."

(I've bought it twice in 2 years. The last time I bought one was a few weeks ago, and I actually apologized to the cashier. I was like, "I never buy this magazine, I just had to have something to read while I was working out." She knew what I was talking about. It's all about the Cosmo shame.)