baby maybe someday
October 01, 2003 Sweet October

Oh dear sweet October, how I love to love thee. And how can you be so cruel and yet so loving at the same time?

October and I have a strange relationship. I love it - it's definitely my favorite month of the year. But it's a weird month. I look forward to it all year. In September, whenever anyone even mentions something about October, I get excited and anxious. Yes, it definitely has something to do with the fact that my birthday is in October. But just so many other things happen, and it's hard not to look forward to it.

For the past 5 years, October 3rd has been Matt and I's anniversary. That has always been a fun time.. 2 years in a row we got to celebrate by going to Reno, and that was awesome. But I always looked forward to celebrating our anniversary.. something about surviving another year together made me proud and happy.

Of course, this year, that won't happen. Later in October, I'll be celebrating another anniversary - the anniversary of him dumping me. That's a fun anniversary, isn't it? I'll be spending October 3rd at a gay party at my brother's house, getting drunk off my ass, trying to forget that this would have been our 6 year anniversary, trying to forget that he dumped me for The Girl, trying to forget that I let him get away with it.

I just associate October with so many things, both good and bad. I KNOW big things will happen this month, just because they ALWAYS do. I will definitely get a job this month, because if I don't, that would be bad. I don't know what else will happen.. in previous years, I got to make my radio debut, my dog died the weekend of my birthday a few years ago, there's Halloween, there's other people's birthdays.. I just feel like October is going to bring some big stuff this year.

I'm looking forward to it and dreading it at the same tine.


Yesterday I had the fun pleasure of going to the dentist. They numbed half my mouth to go in there and do a lot of stuff. Seriously? The numbing lasted for about 8 hours. I couldn't eat anything until around 8 PM because they said to be careful when I ate because I might be chewing my face and I wouldn't know it. Mmm, fun.

It wasn't that bad. I have to go again in a month to get the other side of my mouth done. Kids, let this be a lesson to you - don't take 3 years off from going to the dentist, or else there will be blood. A lot of blood.

In other news, Matt has been sick for almost 2 weeks now and I know he's in pain. He's missed two classes this week already and has been sleeping about 15 hours a day. He doesn't have insurance or money to go to a doctor.

I wish I could do something about it. I wish I could take care of him. But he's not asking me to. He's 200 miles away and there's really nothing I can do about it but watch him suffer, and I hate that. It makes me mad, almost. But.. what can I do? He doesn't want my help. I don't think he wants anything from me at this point.. but it's all good. It just is. Everything will turn out right in the end, whether we end up together or not. It's that little in between period that bothers me a bit.

I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately. I think it might be the pills.. they say that it might cause insomnia. Whatever it is, it sucks. I like to sleep, and I can't, and that sucks. It sucks a lot. But I get to see my psychologist today, so I'll bring that up and see what he has to say about it.


I think that's about it for now. There's something in my nose that I've been trying to get at since yesterday, but it won't come out. The eternal booger! Go away!


What was Liz doing a year ago?


*does a happy October dance*

What was Liz doing 2 years ago?

"I wonder what Elton John is doing right now. I heard someone on the news say today that he still lusts after women. I'm gonna go to his concert and make him lust after me, wouldn't that be awesome? And then I could be Elton John's bitch and have little Elton John babies.

When I think about it, that really wouldn't be so cool.

But it's October, and October rocks.

Perhaps at some other time I'll chronicle for you why October is supposed to rock, yet almost every year some kind of catastrophic, life changing event happens and makes it suck."

back & forth random

So be it! My last entry ever. - November 16, 2004
701 - October 17, 2004
Buh bye: An Austinliz thesis - October 03, 2004
war of the roses - October 01, 2004
fucking debate! - September 30, 2004