I wasn't about to pay for another movie (because I really can't afford to at this point in my life), so I just saw School of Rock and then spent a couple of hours at Barnes and Noble.

I went to work today! I learned how to make a burrito! And then I went home after an hour because that's when I was scheduled to leave. So now I get to work tomorrow night at 6 and I've only made one burrito. So like, I hope I don't put haberno sauce on someone's burrito when they just wanted mild sauce or something like that.

It's not rocket science or anything. I just know that I have, on occasion, screwed things up in the past.

I feel really lame about this job. I only work 3 hours a day, for 3 days a week this week. I need to find something to do the rest of my waking hours. Working out is something. Watching West Wing reruns is another (they're on at 10 and 11 am and 6 and 10 pm, but the one at 6 is the same one at 10, so if you miss the one at 6, you can catch it again at 10! Madness, I say!). I think I need a project for this next couple of months. Maybe I can volunteer more. Maybe I should actually start that novel I've been wanting to write for the past 10 months.

I really want to work at Barnes and Noble. Really, a lot. My parents have gotten off my back about the job thing because they're just relieved I was finally able to get one. I'm sure when I first came to Austin they were envisioning me taking it over by storm and by the time I left, I would be a millionaire. And now they're just happy that I'm making burritos. I'm not sure what that says about me, but its probably not good.

Anyway.

Now that we're discussing life in general, lets throw in a little Matt for good measure.

I'm not really sure what's going on with him. Alls I know is that I'm extremely tired of it. I have a feeling there's a lot of stuff he's keeping from me. I mean, duh, I know. But I don't know. He doesn't call me anymore. He doesn't really give a shit. I think when I come back in February, he's not going to be there for me. He said, a few weeks ago, that he would be. But 3 months is a long time to go girl-less, especially for him.

It makes me angry just thinking about it, because it makes me think that he's not a very good guy. I don't want to think that. I want to think he stands by his word, that he is actually worth something. I guess I'll find out in a few months.

*sigh*.. a few months.. a few months.. a few months. How boring. I'm getting a little tired of that.

Here's a fun fact: Friday will mark the year point. That's right, a year ago that I was dumped. I can't believe it either. And I was thinking today that maybe I'm right where I should be. Since I did get to have a little bit of a last fling with Matt, maybe that was it. Maybe I truly am where I should be right now in the whole process. I kinda feel like.. I wish he'd be a little more attentive and caring, and I kinda feel like it's sort of a relief to know that he says he'll be there when I get back, but I kinda feel like if it doesn't happen, I'll be okay. I can find someone else who maybe I'm more compatible with, who will maybe respect me a little more, who will not advantage of the crazy love I have for him. So, either way, I feel like it's going to be okay.

Tonight, what did I do? The answer is: absolutely nothing. I stayed home and watched The West Wing at 6, random crap at 7, I Love the 80's Part Two on VH1 until 10, and now I'm just kinda sitting here. I think I'm going to do some reviews. Maybe start my porn story. Woohoo, that's what I say. I'm not used to doing nothing during the night.. it's not really my thing. But there was just good stuff on TV tonight and that's good times.

OH MY GOD! THIS IS THE MOST BORING ENTRY EVER!

Therefore, I will shut up now.

Except, this Supermodel show on VH1 was just talking about Stephanie Seymour being a supermodel. Man, why do I still hate that rock star dating whore monger? She didn't "steal" Axl from me! I don't know, but I'm pretty sure that when Axl was in his early thirties, he probably wouldn't be interested in a chubby, weird toothed awkward 12 year old with really bad hair. But I still hate her. Damn you, Stephanie Seymour. DAMN YOU! I'm GLAD he knocked you around in the Don't Cry video! YOU DESERVED IT! MUAHAHAHA! Beyotch.

*****

a year ago...

"Anyway, this morning I did a bad thing and while BB was sleeping, I kinda looked at the IM that was sitting there on his computer, just begging me to read it. That's a big no-no in our relationship.. he's all protective of his privacy and shit. There's a whole long story that goes here about what happened the first time I looked at his computer and what I found out and how I broke up with him for a month after it happened, but that's the gist of it.

Anyway.. the IM could be something I could possibly freak out about. It got my imagination running for a little while, but then again, it's probably not anything to worry about because the content was.. well, it's hard to explain because I don't want to get into it, but it was just something to make me think that it wasn't a big deal. But then again it could be. I don't think so, though. GUHHHHH!!!!"

heh.