The Denny's where a group of about 10 guys walked out without paying the check and then one of them had to come back when he realized he left his cell phone there. That was fun. The Chili's we went to where we argued over whether I should have tortillas or not. The last hotel we stayed at the last time we came here that overlooked the capital, where we had good times with the king sized bed.

I have a lot of memories of Austin. Some of my memories are from when I came here after I was forced to dump Josh, aka Psycho Boy. Some are from when I came here on a journalism trip and me and Scott, aka Dorkus Boy, bonded hardcore. I don't want those memories anymore. I want to make new memories. I'm so tired of living in the past, and I'm hoping that moving here is going to help that.

I'm really kinda sad today. I can't help it. I know I should be excited about making new memories and digging myself up out of the past, but it's so hard. I messaged Matthew a few minutes ago and now he's idle, because of course he's with his girlfriend today. He hasn't seen her in 2 weeks, and she's back, and he's back, so why would he even want to stay at home for another minute? He wouldn't. I'm trying not to let it bother me.. he deserves to have a chance with her, with anyone else he wants a chance with. He's special. But it still hurts.

I think the point that I'm missing is that it's okay for me to hurt. I shouldn't feel guilty for feeling bad about this whole thing. It's normal, right?

I am doing the right thing, right? It feels like I am.. I've always wanted to live here, and there's nothing for me in Dallas right now except old memories that always seem to hurt me right now. But it just seems like I'm defeated. I don't know.. I'm really confused right now.

But I keep telling everyone who asks me why I moved here, "Because I've been in love with it ever since my brother moved here 10 years ago." And that is why.

I don't know what my problem is. I just need some new friends. New things. New experiences to replace my old ones, because my past is in the past. I have nothing but future ahead of me. I have nothing tying me down. I keep telling myself I can do anything I want to, but the question is, do I have the balls for that? Do I have the testicular fortitude to go out and make something of myself?

I hope so.