baby maybe someday
September 30, 2004 Untitled.

A big shout-out today to one Mrs. Ali-Kat, who is getting married today!! Congratulations, girly, you deserve it. I'm all happy for you! And maybe about 17% jealous.


Anyway. I had a dream last night that I was on some kind of Apprenctice-like show. I had some big presentation on some stupid Monopoly-like invention I created. But my big thing was the fact that I COULD NOT FIND A BLANK PIECE OF PAPER! That was like, half the dream. I don't know what that means, and I'd rather not know, thank you very much.

I also recently had ANOTHER dream that I was in school and I completely missed a class every time until it was time for the final, which of course I didn't know at all. I just love those anxiety dreams.

When I wake up in the morning, usually the only way I can make myself get out of bed is to promise myself that I'll take a nap when I get home. I'm starting to see that I am not alone in this plight, and that makes me happy. Yay for being at least somewhat normal.


So I've been going to church more often lately because that's just what I need to do, right? And there's this new preacher chick that I really feel connected to, and if she did all the services, I would go to every single one of them. I even gave her a hug the other day and told her that I was glad she was here. That's hardcore, you know.

Although she did ask me if I've seen "Saving Private Ryan" because she didn't think I looked old enough to remember it. Um, that movie came out like.. what, 4 or 5 years ago? I wonder if she thinks I'm 16 or something. Whatever.

Yay church.

This might be the greastest message board topic I've ever seen ever in my lifetime. Rare pictures of Axl, all over the place. Some I haven't seen, even! *content sigh*

On Tuesday, I was determined to work out but not by going to the gym. I seem to be on this working out outside kick at the moment because it's all Fall-ish and beautiful and I love it. I ended up at SMU, the school I went to my freshmen year of college. I still have a little bitterness towards that happy little school, but the campus is so friggin pretty during the Fall and it was just the only place I could think of where I wouldn't be exercising in terror of being murdered/raped the whole entire time.

If the government suddenly invented a time machine and offered people a chance to go back to only one point in their lives to change what happened (which you know, would be totally impossible because of the whole paradox issue and such like this, thus changing everyone's future and the future of the world in general, but hey, work with me here), I would go back to my freshman year of college.

Maybe I just wasn't ready for college, I don't know. But I was 19 years old, and I was so into my weird little domestic relationship with Matt that I let myself totally sink into it and I kind of ignored the world around me. I fucked up at SMU. I didn't make friends. I think I really scared the hell out of my roomate, so much so that she cleared out during the second semester. I ordered pizza two or three times a week and played online Jeopardy a couple of hours a night. I had issues, and I didn't care because I had a boyfriend and he was all that mattered to me.

Meanwhile, I was on this beautiful campus with beautiful people, and while that school really wasn't right for me (I wasn't meant to be with the beautiful people, you see), I just couldn't stand the fact that I didn't give it my best shot. The track really wasn't so far from my dorm (Mary Hay Hall, thank you very much) and I could have walked there every night or during the day when I didn't have classes, instead of sitting around missing class to watch Young and the Restless. I don't understand the mindset I had back then. I don't understand the need I had to base my whole life around one person. That is what caused me to have such a powerful breakdown when we broke up, because I really never bothered to define myself without him in the picture.

Anyway. I went to SMU last night, too, and probably will once or twice a week until it gets really cold. I like the atmosphere, it's only about 5 minutes from my apartment, and I sort of like to think that I'm making up for lost time while I'm there. I know I still at least look like a student, so I'm going to make that work for me.

I was also walking around on Tuesday thinking to myself, all bitter-like, "These people have no idea how good they have it!" They were all cell-phoned out and beautiful and rich (you have no idea as to the amount of Mercedes and BMW's contained on that campus) and I hope they all enjoy it now because in 6 years when they're almost 25 and lamenting on their lives, it'll suck to regret it all.

Or something.

I know there was more I wanted to say about this matter, but that's okay.


No CSI tonight because of the debates. I will be watching the debates, although I kind of have my mind set on voting for Raplh Nader. I know it's pointless, but he's not Kerry or Bush. So.

In other news, I really wish I could go to this. It's Velvet Revolver! The problem isn't that I don't have time to go, or that I can't afford the tickets.. it's that I don't have anyone to go with me. I need a concert buddy! Someone who enjoys the hardcore stuff. Like, there's a concert coming up with Tesla and the Scorpions, and I'm seriously interested in that! I need me a heavy metal concert buddy. The only person I can think of who would enjoy that in the slightest is.. wait for it.. Ryan. *sigh*

And the thing with Velvet Revolver is, I've already seen them live, as we all know, and it's not like I can top that by seeing them again. Once I got sweat on by Slash, well, that's the best one can possibly hope for! I almost have no desire to see them again! (Note: Please don't kill me for not wanting to see them again! I can't top being sweat on, you understand.)

My boss also likes that kind of music, but she's my boss, and that probably wouldn't be fun for anybody.


That's all for today. Tomorrow is October, and with tomorrow comes an annoucement about the future of Austinliz as we know it.

Also, this is my 696 entry. As mymichele, I had 701 entries. Just worth noting.

1 year ago...
"Can I just comment on how much I love Lovelines? I am addicted. I can't get through my evening without listening to Adam and Dr. Drew."

>2 years..
"First of all, I wish I could be Goldie Hawn in that movie. I wish I could have been born so much earlier so I could have been a groupie in LA. Seriously, that's one complaint I have about my life: I didn't get to fuck more rock stars when I was young. I'm going to be 23 in 2 weeks, I'm almost getting to the age where fucking rock stars isn't going to be an option! *sigh*"

3 years...
"You would think as soon as I got to Vegas I'd feel a disturbance in the atmosphere and then be able to slowly think to myself that Axl was in the proximity. But no, that did not happen, and the only way I found out that Guns N Roses were there was 2 days later at a casino in California. I almost cried, I really did."

back & forth random

So be it! My last entry ever. - November 16, 2004
701 - October 17, 2004
Buh bye: An Austinliz thesis - October 03, 2004
war of the roses - October 01, 2004
fucking debate! - September 30, 2004