baby maybe someday
July 07, 2004 Mormons, plus Vegas!

Hi humans. I am back. I ate my Freebirds for dinner and now I'm watching the very last of the CSI DVD's I haven't seen yet. So, good times.

As for my vacation, I'll just break down the major characters for you. I did another version where I wrote down practically every single second of every day, but I figured that probably wouldn't be too interesting for you, the reader. I'm considerate, aren't I? Don't ever say I never did anything for you.

* The first thing I have to say is that wow... everyone knows that I love Las Vegas. This is just an accepted fact about me. But HOLY LORD, the HEAT! I've never been there in the summer and I wasn't quite prepared for that. My mom's car, at one point, said it was 121 degrees.

That might just change my mind about moving there one of these days. Seriously. Us Texans think we're hardcore with all the heat we put up with, but we have NOTHING on Vegas.

*Also, leaving Vegas is a completely different thing than entering it. I didn't win any money, obviously, because I suck at gambling. I did pretty well there for a few hours with the Pai Gow Poker, but then I got a crappy dealer that I wasn't vibing with and it all went down the tubes. Plus, I broke out the ATM card at the airport yesterday and had some hot slot action. This all made me feel like a total loser as I was waiting for my plane to come.

There's just something completely depressing about Las Vegas as a whole, yet that's what totally attracts me to it at the same time. I don't know. I have a problem.

The Golden Nugget was awesome, though. My dad got us this completely spectacular suite with 2 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, this huge living room.. it was greatness. The bed probably would have been comfortable if I would have been able to sleep. There is no sleeping in Vegas.

I also saw a couple of folks from the TV show we all know and hate, The Casino. I saw one of the Sundstrom guys in the elevator, and I dorked myself out by saying, "I know you've heard this 100 times, but HEY! I've seen you on TV!" As soon as I said it I was just totally ashamed of myself. But he just kinda smiled and said "Yep, that was me and my son!" And then the elevator opened and he walked out. I also saw his son later and in spite of myself, I kept staring at him.

Also, I got carded about every 5 minutes. One pit boss said "The more I look at you the younger you look." Which I guess could be a good pick-up line, but what have you.

*Utah is pretty cool. I do love me some mountains, yes siree.

The house that my mom and stepdad currently inhabit is 100 years old, and my stepdad grew up in it. So it's kinda small, and they don't have a shower or central air conditioning, but they do have cable with VH1. That's all I really needed, baby!

Richfield, the town where they live, held their 4th of July activities on Monday, because apparently their Mormon inclinations wouldn't let them do such things on Sunday. Good times, yes indeed.

Speaking of mormons.. now, the only knowledge I have of Mormons is from the book The Lost Boy by Orson Scott Card, which I've read about 10 times. I've also been on a couple of 2 week road trips with a girl named Dana who was a very proud Mormon, but even though we spent days at a time in the backseat together, we hardly ever talked, so yeah. But I was kinda interested in the Mormon culture and ideas. We went to the big temple in Salt Lake City and it was really a very interesting experience. They had all kinds of missionaries there and we saw where the Mormon Tabernacle Choir performs and well, it was just good happy times I guess. Yay Mormons!

* Speaking of Salt Lake, we kinda had an impromptu weekend there. My mom's car broke down about 2 hours from Salt Lake when we were on our way there, and believe it or not, they don't have a lot of BMW dealerships in tiny Utah towns. So we had to get towed to Salt Lake City and my stepdad was just like, "Fuck it, we'll stay in Salt Lake until Monday when we can get the car fixed." Okkayy. This was a very expensive weekend for my stepdad. $400 for the towing to Salt Lake, $400 to fix the radiator, $200 for a hotel room (at the Little America), not to mention the fact we had to go to a department store to buy underwear and t-shirts, and all the take-out food we had to get. Expensive!

* I wasn't so impressed with Salt Lake City, but I loved Park City. We went to a parade on Sunday morning and it was great. I was mostly fascinated by the people who lived in the little condo near where we were sitting for the parade. They were young, hot, neato, and best of all, they had 3 yellow labs. And one of the guys that lived there really struck my fancy because of one reason: he really loved his dog. He kept checking on him and giving him hugs and stuff, and I loved that! I want a man that loves his doggie.

*It was nice to spend so much time with my mommy and my stepdad.

*During the week, I often found myself not even thinking about Matt at all. I thought that hey, maybe I'll be okay without him. He's way busy lately with this new work thing anyway, and we don't spend much time together. So, it'll be easy to move on. Right?

Yeah, so that's probably why he called me last night as soon as I landed and that's why he offered to pick me up from the airport and that's why he wanted me to spend the night at his house. HOW DOES HE DO THAT?! Does he have some kind of DETECTOR that tells him when I'm about to give up, and then he has to go and be completely adorable?! What's up with that!

And it sucked, because I went there and there was this awesome snuggling, and then there was CRAZY nookie, like multiple orgasm nookie, and then more snuggling, and I just wanted to be near him and touch him and just be a TOTAL dork. It was just dumb. I really need to learn one of these days.

I want so much more for us.. we still have this crazy chemistry that I just can't turn away from! This boy just makes me crazy weak. Damnit.

*I caught the Behind the Music on GN'R on Monday. I wish Axl would have participated in it.. he certainly was painted to be a total crazy madman. I know he really kinda is, but I'm sure there's a method to his madness. He achieved total greatness early on in his career, and he's been trying to reach that point again every since. It's a lot for a guy to live up to, ya know?

*Both plane rides were pretty cool. I skipped the showing of Dirty Dancing Havana Nights, but I tuned into Starsky and Hutch. It's so weird how Ben Stiller became about 100 times more hot when he had long hair in that movie. I'm such a weirdo. We actually got to go over the Grand Canyon and take a little tour of it, which the pilot said in his 28 years as a pilot, he's only managed to pull that together a whole 7 times. So I felt very fortunate to see that. I also tried my hand at writing a little CSI fan fiction, but I couldn't really get into it. Gil and Sarah will just have to realize their feelings for each other through some other venue.

* I can't really think of anything else to share. It was a lovely and refreshing trip. I only checked my email like 3 times. I got to spend a little time with Moon Baby, my mom's horse. We rented a Ford Focus while the radiator was being fixed in the BMW. If I think of something else, I'll let you know!


The best of what I was doing in the past:

A year ago:

"D. Claire Danes and Nick Stahl, together - this was the most surreal part of the movie. So we have Angela Chase, who I idolized and admired when I was 15 because I knew what she felt for Jordan Catalano. I felt for Nick what she felt for Jordan! And now she was with Nick! In the movie!"

"I can't allow myself to be happy that it's happening. He's being SO SWEET! He's saying all this sweet stuff and going out of his way to do all this cute stuff and blah blah blah, BUT THERE IS NO GUARENTEE. What if I put myself through all this crap and then it doesn't work out? What if The Girl comes back after 3 weeks and wants him back? Why am I doing this to myself? Is all the nookie and good times really worth having to wait for him to decide to want to be with me?"

(Good question)

"Damn, this was a long entry. I guess time flies when you're trying to defend your sexual relationship with your cheating ex boyfriend."

Two years ago..

I just don't understand! When I talked to him on the phone 5 minutes earlier, I thought it was clear that I was coming over! What's the deal with all the fucking! I don't want to know about my dad getting his goddamn groove on! Geez louise!"

Three years ago..

His web page really made me mad on Thursday. And he yelled at me for telling him it hurt me. The thing that pissed me off the most is not knowing what every other person in the world knew. Of course, I did know, kinda. I knew when he said he found a beautiful girl to be his friend, he'd fall for her. I knew when he told me she broke up with her boyfriend of 8 years, there'd be trouble."

So I call July 4th my little independence day. I even made up a little thing about the colors of the fireworks:

White was the innocense I had right before I met him.

Red was the blood I shed after I lost my virginity to him.

Blue were the bruises I had that made me want to get away.

I know, it's corny, but it helped me get over stuff."

Have I mentioned that I haven't had sex in 4 years? I don't think I've mentioned that yet. My boyfriend is a virgin. Yes, that's right, 23 year old virgins do exist. Go find yourself one! Damn guys that are waiting for marriage! Damn people with values and morals that don't lose their virginity when they're 17!"

I've been thinking about Ms. Cleo. She's stalking me. I see her commercials every time there's an opportunity for commercials to be on. She's also called me. And I've gotten emails. I mean, maybe she knows something I don't, and she's trying to get in touch with me! Should I call her? Is my life in danger? What?!"

"So I can't find my brush. So I haven't been able to brush my hair in like.. 3 days. I've washed it and everything, but I can't brush it! It's all very sad.

I will someday look back on this summer and thing, "how sad, she can't stop eating Bagel sandwiches and she never brushes her hair."

back & forth random

So be it! My last entry ever. - November 16, 2004
701 - October 17, 2004
Buh bye: An Austinliz thesis - October 03, 2004
war of the roses - October 01, 2004
fucking debate! - September 30, 2004