1. Look at Axl's tattoo! His sleeves are rolled up so you can see it. It's like.. on display. I love that tattoo. Even though it represents all the original members of the band and Axl's the only one left these days.. I just love that tattoo. Rawr!

2. Look at his hair! It's all long and reddish and sexy, and it matches his little beard thingie that's going on. I love his hair.

3. He's eating a sandwich! Who else has someone eating a sandwich on their layout? That's right, just me.

4. His shirt.. it's from Riki Rachtman's Cathouse. Riki Rachtman was the host of Headbangers Ball, but before that he ran this heavy metal club called the Cathouse. Legend has it that Axl really rallied for Riki to get the Headbangers Ball job. And he got it. So thanks, Axl!

5. Come on. What's sexier than Axl Rose wearing blue jeans and eating a sandwich? I seriously can't think of anything.

So yes. That is probably the sexiest picture of Axl ever in the whole world, and now it's on my layout, and I know you're all jealous.

Speaking of my layout, Ms. Mollylicious did a surprise sabotage entry that's actually quite lovely, but when I woke up in the middle of the night to pee and saw that entry, I covered it with my entry from before that because I wanted everyone to feel my "Woe is me I can't go to Vegas" pain. So yeah. Go look.

Well, it's that time of the year where I am good and old-fashioned-like sickly. It's probably allergies, and it started when I was at Matt's. I dunno about his house.. I'm really allergic to something over there, and I think it might be whatever he washes his sheets in. Or it might be Bailey, but I've been allergic to stuff before Bailey came along.

I dunno. But what I do know is that my ears are itching and I hate when my ears itch. Also, this morning while I was watching the West Wing on Bravo, I had the most outrageous menstrual cramps of all time. That's just not fair. It just isn't.

In other news, I have now watched almost all the family video tapes that are still left in our existence. We used to have a ton more, but some of them burned in the fire at my dad's farm, some I taped over with Headbangers Ball (I always taped Headbangers Ball for some reason. I don't know why this was necessary), and some have just gotten lost in the fray. Between the whole family, we've all moved like.. 15 times. So things get lost sometimes.

Anyway, I've watched about 20 tapes, and if I were to make a suggestion, it would be to definitely not do that. I've seen so many different versions of myself that it's just so weird to be my actual self right now, which sounds crazy, but I'm totally serious.

I've seen the 3 year old version of myself, the one who was wearing a yellow bikini at my brother's 8th birthday party in the pool. That was a weird version! I don't think I had surgery yet, so my eyes were all funky. Not to mention that's the first and very last time I've ever worn a bikini.

I saw the 5 year old version of myself, who could go on for 10 minutes about Oscar the Grouch.

I saw the 9 year old version of myself sliding down the hill by my house on cookie sheet when the yearly snowfall arrived.

I saw the 12 year old version of myself, who was incidentally probably the ugliest version. Seriously, I had some issues with a lot of things at the time, and it was not good times. But as this version, my brother asks me what's up, and I show him the Use Your Illusion CD that I'm currently obsessed with and say "Guns N Roses is what's up!"

I saw the 15 year old version of myself, asking my brother if I could use the camera because it was going to be my "future career"... I was in the communications magnet at my school at the time, and using a camera was a big thing. That didn't last very long, if you were wondering.

I saw the 16 year old version of myself in Austin with my mom at my brother's apartment, drinking a beer and swearing and having my brother say it's okay because I haven't learned how to have tact yet.

I saw the 19 year old version of myself, the overweight version with bad hair who didn't really give a shit about my appearance because I was so deep in with Matt that nobody else's opinion mattered at all.

I also saw my ballet dancing self, which was scary! I hated every second of ballet, and watching the tape, which had 3 different years of recitals on it, I know why - I was really bad at it! I was really awkward and big and not having any fun while everyone else was really digging it. I am special like that.

So now.. after seeing so many versions of myself, I'm starting to wonder what version I am now. Obviously I'm a culmination of all the previous versions, but I'm not really any of those versions. I'm not really anything, I almost feel. I feel like I'm in a state of transition between all my different versions, like I don't have a real personality yet, like I'm waiting for it to spring up.

That sounded so weird, but it's true. I don't consider myself at this moment to be my true self. At least I hope and pray that it's not my true self. If it is, I'm really in trouble!

Bah. That's all I would like to say at the moment. Tomorrow I'm going to make myself sit down and Nano my ass off. I'm so outrageously behind, it's not even funny. Bah!

Here's some what I was doing a year/2 years ago for you. I missed out on a few days, so here's just a big hodgepodge.

*****

"Yesterday I was talking to BB a little, and he offended me in a major way. It wasn't anything blatant, like "You stink like monkey crap," no it wasn't. He actually said:

BB: So I will catch up with you later, tator!

What IN THE FUCK is that? LATER TATOR? I just could not believe he said that! In almost the 5 1/2 years I've known the bastard, he's never said anything remotely like "LATER TATOR!" Usually he'll say, "I gotta go now, love you!" Not LATER TATOR! GUHHHH!!!"

"I just miss being kissed. And I miss him holding me before we went to sleep. And I miss a lot of things, and it's just really not fair. I miss him so much."

"I watched a couple of shows on Eminem today on VH1, like the Ultimate Albums thing on the Marshall Mathers LP. I'll say it again - DAMN, Eminem is fucking hot! And he's a genius! And I want to have monkey sex with him too! He can join me, Angel Boy and Axl in a big happy fun time orgy. Anyone else want to join? I'm flexible."

"

"Anyway. On Monday of Thanksgiving week, I started to develop some feelings for ol Psycho Boy. I think I may have told him this. By Tuesday, it was an all out obsessional crush type of thing. I was going crazy thinking about it, and wondering why the hell I had such a huge crush on this guy. I had a friend take me home from school, but first her mom stopped at like 35 different places, including the miniature doll store where she spent about 2 hours, and when I got home I realized that two different people were quite worried about my whereabouts: My mom and Psycho Boy."

"Last night, I bought the new Saliva CD. I've decided Saliva, with their stupid dumbass name and everything, will get me through this break-up. "I love you, I hate you, I can't live without you, I breath you, I taste you, I can't live without you..." Yeah, I'm feeling that."