I am the only person I know who centers her whole day around the VMA's. But I'm a dork like that.

I am going to recap the VMA's for those who don't own a TV or really just don't give a shit. I'm doing this because I did this last year, and if anything, I'm a slave to tradition.

We're gonna split this into 3 different sections so I don't have a whole mega entry. It's gonna be fun! No Axl this year, but hopefully there will be other good times to look forward to. The rumor is that Madonna and Britney Spears are going to come out and do "Like a Virgin" for the intro. I would really actually love to see that.. that would be hootttt.

So I have my Papa John's pizza and breadsticks and garlic sauce and Dr. Pepper, and I'm ready to have me some MTV fun times.

Oooh, it's starting! I hear Like a Virgin. Ooh, it's Britney. Britney Spears singing about being a virgin is just uh.. a little ironic, but I guess that's the point. Okayyyy.. now here's Christina Aguilera. OH WOW! The Queer Eye for the Straight Guy people are in the audience. That's awesome.

Eminem seems to be enjoying the performance.

Here comes Madonna. That's good times. It's kinda fun to see Christina Snakalera and Britney bowing down to the master of girly pop.

I just loled at Justin Timberlake. I don't really think he knows what to make of this. I must admit: I love me some Justin Timberlake. He's dorky.

Ummmm. Britney and Madonna just totally made out. That was kinda cool. Hot, really. The 99% lesbian in me really kinda liked that. Now here's Missy Elliot. I don't think this is a Gap commerical, though, cuz nobody is wearing jeans.

There is a much deserved standing ovation for that. It was pretty awesome, really.

Apparently Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson have merged into one person. But that's not really a new revelation.

Here comes the one and only Chris Rock. I dig him, but I think Jimmy Fallon did a really good job last year. But I might think that only because he was so excited when Axl performed.

Chris making some jokes about P Diddy.. he should probably watch himself when he leaves the building or the gangsta mafia might be after his ass.

Snoop seems to be amused by all of this.

While Chris Rock makes enemies out of the whole audience, I want to take this opportunity to give a shout out to Wicked-Sezzy, the original recapping woman. I merciessly stole this idea from her last year and now here I am again, not being original in any kind of way.

My pizza is good, but I just got the huge chunk of onion and it wasn't all that nice to my pallette, if you will. Also, I am on Dr. Pepper #1. I will keep you posted as to how many I go through tonight.

Now I'm on DP #2.

An Olsen Twin - R. Kelly joke that made me laugh out loud.

*burp*

Ashanti and LeBraun James. Woo. Man, that guy is tall. The two of them have no chemistry and I would like them to announce the damn winner of the damn Hip Hop Video award instead of pretending that they're about to go have sex in front of the whole audience.

Prediction for this category: Nelly, for Hoootttttt innnninnnnn Heerrreeeuhhh, since that song was just completely and totally unavoidable for like 6 months. Oooh, I was wrong. Of course it was Missy Elliot because she's been nominated for about 67 awards tonight.

Wow, Lil Kim is wearing CLOTHES! *GASP*

Somewhere, Missy's lost 200 pounds is looking for her everywhere.

I hear "Performance by Good Charlotte" and I think "Time to change the channel."

But, I can't find my remote control! Bahhh.

I found it! It was in the kitchen for some reason.

I hate that guy wrangling the car commercial. It bothers me. Friends is on, that's always good. I'm not sure what it is about Friends, but it has completely sucked me in for life. I actually saw an episode I haven't seen yesterday, and I got so excited! Yay!

Tony Hawk and Bam Magera introducing Good Charlotte. I'm not going to change the channel right away.

1.7 seconds later.. Okay, now I am. I'm sorry, I have no patience for this teen angst music.

Seriously? There's a Laverne and Shirley reunion special on ABC right now. I can't even find something funny to say about this.

Oooohh, Chris Rock summed it up for me: "Good Charlotte? More like a mediocre Green Day." That elicited an "Oooh!" from me. I love talking to myself.

Kelly Clarkson and Ludacris presenting best R@B Video. Didn't they already do that award?

I hate that R Kelly song, it distresses me.Aalyiah somehow has a video up for nomination. She's one talented dead person, let me tell ya.

Okay, Beyonce? Crazy in Love? I am crazy in love with that song. And it won! Yay. I don't know why I love it so much, it's just got a good beat and crappola.

I like Beyonce. But I see her and I just can't believe that she is only like.. 21 years old. How one can accomplish so much at such a young age boggles my mind and makes me feel like a total crackwhore loser.

I wish Evanescence was performing. I lurve Evanescence.

Dr. Pepper #3, and I can feel my heart exploding from all the empty calories and sugar. Ouch.

*burp* MTV sure does have long commercials. Meanwhile, I'm watching Will and Grace.

While we're waiting, I just wanted to add here that the gynocologist I went to on Monday called today and said I had an abnormal pap smear. So now I have to go back to a different gyno (since the one I went to on Monday was in Dallas) so they can tell me what's wrong with my vagina. Yay, vagina problems.

Here's Evanescence and Sean Paul. You know, I still get excited every time "Bring Me to Life" comes on the radio. I just love the crap out of that song.

Amy from Evanescence is HOOTTT.

Best song from a film. I so hope Lose Yourself wins.. I love that song like I love my first born child. I do like Die Another Day, too. Yay! Eminem won! I looovvvee Eminem. The Eminem show helped me get through the break-up back in the day because he's just hardcore.

Eminem managed not to insult a single person. I'm so proud.

*burp*

Now is a good time to address my love for MTV. 2 years ago when I watched this show, I had no clue who half the performers were. Now I know EVERYONE. Now I'm totally in love with Eminem. Now I have patience for bands such as Linkin Park and other such bands I could absolutely not tolerate before. I don't know what this means about me, but I'm not sure it's a good thing.

*burp*

Woo, 3 Dr. Peppers apparently makes a girl a little gaseous.

I'd also like to mention here that this year I plan on following the University of Texas football team, because I'm just a little bandwagon whore. But here I am, in Austin, so why the hell not? I think it will be fun. FUN!

There was some kind of condom commercial on. Ahhh, the condom industry. That is one industry that I have never quite contributed to.

Nelly is on. He doesn't have that band-aid anymore. I guess that cut on his face finally healed! It sure did take a long time.

Christina Sluttera is performing again. She's a busy woman!

There doesn't seem to be anything interesting about this performance.

I'm going ahead and ending Hour 1 here. The next two hours hopefully have some broadcasting excitement because I don't want to have a heart attack from all the calories I'm consuming for nothing.

That was the longest run-on sentence ever!

Ooh, but there's Dave Navarro looking all hot and Carmen Electra-ized. The guitar adds nicely to this song. It looked like Skanky Skankalera was about to give Dave Navarro oral sex. I don't blame her.. I'd probably want to do that, too.

Okay, okay, there's Iggy Pop. I'll start with Iggy in the next incarnation.