I'm a bit rattled right now because Matt is seemingly on his way over. However, I have no idea when he left and I have no idea when he's going to arrive. But dizamn, there's no better way to get me to clean my apartment to know that my pseudo boyfriend is coming over! It's all clean and sparkly and such. Yummy! But he could be two hours away, or mayhaps just 15 minutes away. I don't know! I guess I could call him, but that would take the fun out of the adventure.

I expect there to be lots of nookie, a trip to Target, some fajitas at Taco Cabana, and more nookie. Maybe some snuggling mixed in.

He's on Atkins now, which is good for him but sucks for me. Now I will probably have to go without tortillas when we have fajitas so he won't be tempted. Fajitas without tortillas are just.. not right. Not right at all.

This is only the second time he's ever been to my apartment, the first time being the exciting and dramatic "Let's maybe get back together" extravaganza in June. I'm glad that he's coming here at a time that's not so surreal and crazy like last time. We can just chill.

Marf.

Anyway.

Yesterday marked a whole year since I graduated. I don't really feel like being all reflective about it like I usually get about these things, because we all know what happened in that year. That is: pretty much nothing. Well, I mean I moved and had four jobs and made some friends and crap, but right now, a year later, it doesn't look like I've made a whole lot of progress.

It seems to me the only progress I've made is that now I know what it's like to be without Matt. I know that if he ever dumps me or if I dump him, I can live without him. I know what it's like to be alone. Being alone sucks, yes it does. But I can do it if I have to. And that was one of the goals I wanted to accomplish while I was here, so that's good. Yes siree.

I'm definitely going to miss Sunday nights at my brother's house. I went there last night and we just sat around and watched the very last of the home movies he converted to DVD. I snuggled and huggled and loved on Dylan the puppy man. I fed him some peanut butter, which he really seemed to like. Well, duh. Everyone loves peanut butter.

Anyway.. I guess that's all for now. I don't know what to do with myself. So I guess I'll just play some yahtzee or something.

Fun!

*****

a year ago...

"Then I got to witness the first meeting of my step-dad and my dad. I kinda remember the first part of this awkward exchange, and then I remember that they both took pictures of each other for some reason, but after that, it gets rather fuzzy.

I swear, it's all the BL's fault. She told me, "Let loose. It's your graduation. Don't worry about driving home, I'll drive your car back to my house and you can stay there tonight."

Well, it's like she gave me permission to act like a crazy motherfucker."

two years ago...

"The irony of this, and perhaps the thing that sucks about this, was that when we were 15ish we went to Lane Bryant together, and I looked at the big huge underwear and said, somewhat loudly, "Oh my god, this is the BIGGEST underwear I've ever seen!" And she said, "Elizabeth, this store is for overweight people." And I was like.."Oh." And now I'm shopping there. It's sad how that happens, sometimes."